Post originally published by Jennifer X on Born Jennius, January 11th, 2016.
I know it’s the “new” year, but I still have to talk about the old one because it ran into this one, rammed right into a brick wall six feet deep.
I was going to try to keep out the cobwebs of last year, make this post shiny and new. That’s not me. I can’t be “shiny” when I’m not really. I guess this one could be an addendum to the recent Update: Recent Thoughts. If you really want just the sweeter stuff, skip the next few sections and jump to the list of sweeties.
So. 2015. I wouldn’t say I’m a pessimist but I’m surely not an optimist. I think I’m line zero. The divider. The flatline. The tiniest and rarest blips on the radar.
Yet for 2015, I thought I’d change it up a little. I thought I’d be more daring, more risk-taking than I have been in a long while. I thought that if anything, at the end of 2015 the Christmas season would look a lot different, a lot brighter than its predecessors. I tried. I went to see the Christmas displays that make me so happy but it was a moment. Quick. Blip.
I took risks. I exhibited grace and patience. I pushed myself. I allowed myself to be a little more open.
I allowed myself to want things. That’s difficult for me. If I get more into that right now, I’ll never get this post done. Work panned out, but it wasn’t… it was given to me. I’m grateful for it, absolutely. I didn’t seek it out though, and some day, I will have to, whether with the same company or not. My self has to kick in more at some point.
And other things did not show fruit.
Not at all.
To sum up – I wanted, I risked, I came out empty.
I’m okay, sort of. I’m just wondering: what do I do from here? … … …
I’m not exactly sure yet. My mind runs through life all the time, so maybe it will come to me sometime later. I’m considering… giving up on certain dreams, letting go of certain ties, even moving is on the table (though that would take time, I’d start planning for it as soon as it’s decided), exploring a different direction.
Do I stop wanting again? Stop hoping that things will look different, be different?
Don’t be mistaken – I can’t account for each detail exhaustively, but I’m not saying that I don’t need to change. Maybe I do. I think about that a lot.
I’m also not saying that I’m going to wait around for things to happen for me. I’m all for being an active participant in my life. It’s a matter of decision. I may think a lot, but once I’m decided on a thing, I’m usually in action straightaway.
I feel like this post has been about nothing so far.
So, getting on with 2016.
I do look forward to things. Not that I can control much of it, but I’m hopeful that some of these things will happen and that I’ll work towards them.
In 2016, I’m looking forward to:
- Improving on meal plan, prep, and execution
- Refining my budgeting system and records
- Being a Stand to Reason Strategic Partner
- Enjoying new bed sheets
- Reading more books for thesis
- Reading more books for leisure
- Organizing more
- Simplifying more
- Reading the Bible through at least once
- Studying the Bible more
- Praying more intently/ specifically
- Losing inches again
- Regaining muscle weight
- Completing the first half of thesis
- Completing thesis
- More time with TK Mama and TK Girl
- Having Mc Mama home and more time with her
- Refining Born Jennius site more
- Improving my thoughts and writing
- Refreshing my wardrobe
- Refreshing my jewelry wardrobe
- Saving up for a trip to see A Mamas and A Babies
- Settle on new doctors
- Improving on use of social media (IG and Twitter, mostly, maybe)
- Saving up for a DSLR
- Using up makeup products
- Getting keyboard fixed
- Memorize Bible verses again, chapters if possible
- Small projects
- More work
- Volunteering with HFH
- American Red Cross training?
- More cat pictures
That’s what I could come up with so far. Since this post took a while, I’ve already started on the simplifying part – I’ve been cleaning my books and shelves, and have stashed two boxes so far of books to donate. I’m hoping to have that ready to donate by February. I saw Mc Mama at her baby shower recently, so I was able to also spend time with TK Mama, TK Girl, and the G family. I’ve started on the whole-Bible read, which should be done by April.
I’m also open to having blessings not on the list happen. ;)
- What are some of the things you’re looking forward to in 2016?
Thank you for reading! You are welcome to leave a comment and/or question(s) in the section below :)