Post originally published by Jennifer X on Who I Am, October 5th, 2015.
Posting things for the Dictator Conflict Chronicles (DCC)* seems very difficult.
Two obstacles, of which I am aware:
1 – My present sin
2 – A lack of Wisdom
It’s easier to explain the second. I don’t know that I have the wisdom to know what I ought to share, what I ought not to share, and how to share what I ought.
While I have and continue to forgive the group and the situation, I cannot forget. The memories can still bring me to tears. While I am not known for outbursts, I am capable of them.
I don’t want to say anything that is divisive. I don’t want to disparage or discourage others. I don’t want this to be another reason for people to think that God isn’t real, another example that His people are divided. While some reconciliation has been made, there remains a wall between me and the group at large.
How could anyone see Jesus in a wall between his people?
As to the matter of sin, I take it seriously, when I am aware of it, of my own sin.
I’m not talking about being perfect, because that is an impossibility. I am talking about being “blameless,” a person of integrity, a person of my word.
I am currently struggling with an area of my life in which I have not been a person of my word. And, I suspect that it wouldn’t be a big deal to most people, but it’s something that matters to me. I’ve prayed about it a lot. I’ve resolved to do things God’s way, and then in the face of temptation or difficulty, I have faltered on that resolve.
Yet, I am still here. There is Hope. God remains.
So, what can I say?
So, what can I say?
All that I am able to do is to ask for your forgiveness and your prayers. Please remember me. Thank you.
Thank you for reading! You are welcome to leave a comment and/or question(s) in the section below :)
Disclaimer: I am not a professional or trained minister or anything. I am a Christian layperson interested in working out my faith and trust in Jesus Christ and sharing where I am on the journey.
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