Monday, July 14, 2014

Rechurching: Blessings and Struggles

Let’s begin with an update on the Bible read-through: I went through and finished a 6-month reading plan well. At 6-8 chapters a day, it’s a good pace for me. I have started the same plan again.

For the past few months, I have been participating in Google Hangouts with a particular group of people - I believe I have made a few friends in this group. Faith, religion, and church are topics that come up every now and then, and most of the conversations on such topics, I have enjoyed. I have been doing more listening than talking, no shock there.

The friends in this group know who they are. They include a few Christians and a few of other beliefs, all wonderful individuals whom have been inviting and encouraging, for me, in having practice of speaking about my own faith out loud, in discussion. They’ve been generous in sharing their beliefs as well. I enjoy hearing different perspectives and experiences.

My faith is close to me and tends to be a very private and personal matter that I don’t share with others much except in my writings. Saying things out loud is something I haven’t wanted to do in years, due to negative experiences. Finding these friends with whom to have these faith conversations has been a very good experience for me overall.

If you are reading this, I thank you. I have been blessed to have met you.

Once again, I have been stuck in a neutral gear regarding a physical return to church. I had prepared myself to go back in June, and again when July started, … and I am wrestling with my reluctance. I want to go back yet I don’t want to go back. Do I love God? Or is attending church about me? I know the answers to those questions, at least for myself, and yet, why have I not made my move?

My prayer life has flattened out as well, as I confess my dependence on God (I am not in control of life) and sense such pressures, or being concerned about issues, etc. (please forgive me for being vague here). God is in control of the whole show, I believe He loves me and desires Good for me, so why am I back to being… afraid?

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?” [Psalm 27: 1]

I’d like to think that I’m a mighty lioness, but most of the time, I am the sheep dependent on her shepherd. [Psalm 23]

I desire a vibrant relationship with Jesus.

And, I desire a relationship with Man.

I struggle with not looking to the right, nor to the left, but to walk the path ahead that God would have for me. It’s so tempting and easy to look behind or look to the sides.

This is where I am. Relate? Encouragement?

I pray that you are well. I pray that you find strength for your day. May you be blessed.

Thank you for reading! You are welcome to leave a comment in the section below :)