Thursday, April 17, 2014

A Father With A Daughter

In an earlier post, I guessed the types of my family: ISTJ Dad, ESFP Mom, and INTP Bro. I am most likely an INTP. I can’t imagine that I am any other type, though I’ve looked into other types.

This post will be musings of having an ISTJ dad.

Dad and I have a good relationship. Love rules in our family, and so I know that no matter what I do or how we might argue (which happens rarely), Dad’s love for me is a given.

Another probable major factor in our relationship being as good as it is is that Dad was one of the youngest of 8 children, with most of them being females. The point being that for my dad, there was no glazing over the fact that people are different, that men and women are different. I would think that being from a large family is quite different from being in a small one. Dad knows how to handle people in different ways, and to be patient with others. Dad has had to have a lot of patience with me, and I am glad he has it!

That being said though, I think it helps the two of us some, that I am not so much the typical female, that I’m not so outwardly sensitive and openly emotional that women tend to be or are perceived to be. I think it would have probably been difficult for my dad if I were more emotionally open. As it is, I know it hurts my dad to see me hurt, but I deal with it mostly on my own. I’m emotional, but I tend not to seek comfort from other people.

Back to patience: the gritty part is that Dad and I can get on each other’s nerves. I’m sure Dad would prefer that I take care of things right away. I can’t seem to get myself to do that on any regular basis with anything, and so he will continue to ask me if I’ve done what I’m supposed to until I say or show that I’ve done it.

Also, patience and answers: when I’m asked a question, I tend not to answer right away. I’m thinking about all I have to think about regarding the question, what my answer ought to be, and how I want to answer it. The question can be simple like, “What do you want to eat?” (an often-occurring situation for me with Dad). I will first think to myself, am I hungry right now? Will I likely be hungry soon? If it takes about a half-hour to get food from this place, I could be hungry in about a half-hour. Do I want food from there? And it goes on from there.

Meanwhile, Dad will be staring at me, not-so-patiently waiting for an answer. I have had to adjust a bit and be quick to say that I don’t want anything, or some other ready answer, in order to avoid the impatience. I get the sense that he was much more patient with me in this respect when I was younger, but I’m not very certain on it.

On my own, I don’t really pay attention to time unless I really have to. Dad raised us not to be on-time, but to be early. On my own things these days, I tend to be early. I don’t like to be late. I find it to be disrespectful, and I will sometimes get nauseated if it seems like I’m going to be late. This seems to be not a typical INTP trait, but I was trained by an ISTJ dad. I think the tension of being trained to be early and my inclination to not pay attention to time has fueled my independent nature more, which can be a good or a bad thing. To avoid having to be early, or getting queasy at the thought of being late, I would just rather not schedule anything or have an exact time set, so that I end up not being late or early, if I can help it. I’ll just go and do something on my own, because what do I care if I’m late to meet myself?

I’m sure that Dad used to be frustrated with how I went about school, because he thinks that I’m smart and all my teachers would say that I would be an A-student “if only she would _______”, but being the younger child and my bro being very similar in that way, Dad learned to let me be.

I know, very tame clashes, right? That’s the worst that I can come up with in how Dad and I relate.

Some of the good parts, because there are many, is that Dad, again, is very family-oriented. I love that I can depend on him; he’s a wonderful source of stability that I want from a parent. He’s got a good sense of humor. Quality Time being my main love language, Dad is always willing to give that. Dad allows me to be who I am, sometimes a little girly about certain things but overall quite “tomboyish,” and it’s all okay.

I’m always going to be his “little girl.” And I’m okay with that.

Dad has taught me a lot about responsibility and respect; the be-early thing is a part of this. I love that Dad is quite calm in his manners; it did me a lot of good while he was teaching me how to drive, calm and step-by-step, first-things-first. In fact, Dad has taught a lot of us how to drive: me, bro, several cousins, his sister, and probably others.

So, that has been my experience as an INTP with an ISTJ father. I don’t know if our relationship is typical of ISTJ-INTP parent-child; I suspect that it would be a naturally rockier relationship, but not horrible either, from what I’ve gathered from what others say about ISTJs and INTPs.

This is just one person’s point of view, one person’s experience - mine.