Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Biological Ticking Clock?

The lovely Rachel, reading a card from her baby shower.
What’s that? Lol.

In 2011, I was in my friends’ wedding party.

In 2012, I attended three more weddings.

In 2013, two of the friends welcomed baby girls to their family; another couple welcomed their third son.

In 2014, soon, my local friend is expecting a baby girl and I’ll be attending First Birthday parties later on.

A few months ago, the notion of the feminine internal clock thing (whatever it’s called) came up in two separate conversations. Well, one wasn’t directly mentioning the internal clock thing, but I sensed it might have been headed that way. The thing where a woman is urgent to find a husband and/ or have a baby.

So I have been thinking. Even though my friends are getting married and having kids, I don’t feel anything… urging me on towards all of that. I mean, I know that I want to be married someday. I know that I would like to have at least one kid of my (our) own. And I am currently single, have been single for over a decade now. (What?!!)

Yet, I don’t have any sense of urgency or anxiety about being single.

Sure, it’s a little awkward sometimes because the friends I hang out with most lately are a married couple, the one expecting soon. If I go out or attend an event, it’s usually because the two of them invited me, and I usually catch a ride with them. It’s like I’m their adult child, whom they adopted before they were born - amazing, right? I know!

I am very excited to meet my friends’ baby girl. The other two baby girls are on the continent, so I have to get to know them through pictures. The coming baby girl, I hope that I do get to become “Aunty Jenn” for her. I missed the boat on becoming a part of the lives of another friends’ sons; we had been close friends in the past but life took us in different directions - honestly, I dropped the ball.

However, I can’t wait to be Aunty Jenn and this is the family that is so dear to me. I’m excited. Usually, there are so many… ooh-ing women around the baby that I just let them crowd and carry the baby. I rarely get a chance and I don’t actively try to have a moment with the baby. I think the last time I handled a baby was at my friend’s wedding 2 years ago.

Now, I have experienced recently an interesting… something. I don’t know what to make of it. As soon as my friend told me she was pregnant in 2012, I had a dream. I was with a baby girl. I knew that she was not mine. Then my friend found out the baby would be a girl.

Another friend told me that she was pregnant. A little later, I had another dream of a baby girl. This one was not mine either. The second friend had her baby girl.

Both friends had people in their family saying they were going to have a boy, it will probably be a boy, boys are running in the family. They didn’t know the gender at the time that I had the dreams.

I’ve had other baby/ child dreams. I don’t know what they mean. Nothing to report about them at this time.

I maintain that there is no sense of urgency going on with me. I rarely get “girly” about baby stuff. Or even over miniature stuff, like “baby” carrots and “baby”... I don’t even know. If I say something like, “Oh, that’s cute,” I’m more likely mimicking other people because it’s better recepted than what I was really thinking. More on this stuff later.

Many moons ago, I saw strange behavior in a male friend of mine. I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. Then someone mentioned a few more details and I thought, oh…. He was anxiously seeking a wife. He eventually found a very good wife and I am happy for them both.

Maybe I’m not seeing myself objectively enough, but I don’t feel that I’ve been exhibiting any signs of having a ticking clock.

I do feel the aging. I’ve been joking about being an old fart since I was… 15? But now I have the proof: aching back, aching knee, wrinkles here, wrinkles there, difficulties losing weight, etcetera, etcetera….

But “wedding fever” and “baby fever?”

I’m quite well at the moment, thank you.

  • Have you experienced “wedding/baby fever?” How did it turn out?

Postscript: I don’t have any problems with people going through “wedding/baby fever.” I can kind of understand why it happens and I doubt people consciously and willingly go through it. I simply don’t think I have it though it seems others think I ought to, “ought” in that I’m old and single, and want to be married, that they often interpret my actions as having the fever or something related when I am not.

And… I wrote this last month, and my friends have had their baby this week! Yay!

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