Friday, February 14, 2014

A Turning Point

This may get a bit rambly. I have little control over the speed of my Think Train at times though I try.

Continue at your own risk. Thou hast been warned.

When the light shines, much is illuminated. Shadows remain, but what is in the light is washed and made brilliant.

I am a sinner. I am a great sinner.

It is one thing to have an intellectual grounding in faith. It can be quite another thing to have a heart fully turned towards God.

One thing to think one knows love. Another thing to experience the fullness of Love.

To say, “I love you.” To grasp a fuller meaning and weight of “I love you.” : 1Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2And though I have the gift ofprophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

I loved the others, but I did not Love them. I thought I showed them that I loved them, until the mess happened.

I loved my cat. I don’t think I have ever known true grief before. I loved her.

It’s about me, not about them.

It was not them. I was limping. They may be limping; whether they are or not is not the matter. If I am limping, I cannot be an instrument to come alongside another and bring them along, to support them so that they may keep moving farther until they are able to stand and walk on their own. I must stand and walk on my own first.

I thought I was walking. I was shuffling along with a limp. I was timidly taking steps.

If others do not see Christ in me, it’s about me, not about them.

It’s about them, not about me.

A simplified illustration.

Someone questioned me for starting to stand with an upright posture. She said pointed out that I was sticking out my chest. That was about her, not about me.

She didn’t know that I had decided to be more mindful of correcting my posture. She didn’t know how little I think of my own attractiveness (I have a disconnect as to how others see me in regards to attractiveness or lack thereof;  hence, I don’t actively and directly try to be attractive - I wouldn’t know how to). How could she know my actual thoughts behind something? Behind anything? That was about her, not about me.

She wasn’t thinking about my health. She wasn’t thinking about the sense of confidence that it built. She disregarded the fact that no matter how I stand, my chest sticks out. I have no control over this, so might as well better my posture.

I gave her a quizzical look. I wasn’t sure what she was implying. I didn’t know what she was thinking. I didn’t really give an answer beyond stating that I was working on my posture (I work on it still).

I don’t know what others around heard or saw. I don’t know if they sided with her. I don’t know if they had theories of their own.

Does it really matter if she was right or not?

Does it matter if people talk about me or not? Whether what they say is true or not or partially true?


It’s about God. Father, Son, and Spirit.

Yet, I am sorry for it all. I take responsibility for it all. Why? Because I am a sinner just as anyone; I forgive them as I have been forgiven. It’s about God, not about me.

And because I love them anyway as I am loved anyway. For better or for worse.

I make the claim. I must show them.

It’s about God’s love for them through me, not about me. :27“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. 31And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

32“But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. 35But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.36Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

I submit my very strong will to Jesus. It will not be easy, not at first. It’s going to take me time. I am going to stumble along the way. Please be patient with me. I don’t understand it all; I cannot speak intelligibly about it all. And yet...

I have talked. I must now walk. 

Acknowledgements (for this turning point)

I owe first and most profound gratitude to my God. All Honor to Him, the Giver of the Light.

Also, gratitude and honor to Joshua, a brother in Christ, and Anonymous See, a non-believer, for their wise counsels. Do not discount truth simply because it was spoken by a non-believer.

Thank you to my cats for their presence and love. You are each a blessing. 

Thank you for reading. God loves you. May you be blessed.