Saturday, November 2, 2013

Don’t People Know There Is More To Parties Than Just Doritos?!


Earlier this year, I posted a couple of entries on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator [MBTI] and that I am most likely an INTP.

During the journey of discovery, I came across a YouTube channel called NFGeeks. I enjoyed it so much and found the videos to be of use, so I joined the Facebook forum. So far, I have enjoyed and appreciated being welcomed in that community.

The NFGeeks forum holds weekly theme videos. One of the NFGeeks videos [INTJ and Social Navigation:How I Made It to the Doritos and Back] prompted a member to post his own video on “INTJs and social interaction” which led to others making their own “social interaction and type” video responses (one has to be a member of the NFGeeks Facebook forum to view most of the videos).

A list of questions were formed, and so I thought I would give my answers.

Oh, and there was a strong Doritos presence in the titles of the videos. I’m looking for the chips and salsa.

* Why is/is not social interaction important to you?
* If you’re invited to a party, how do you feel? How do you feel at the party? [What are the things that you need to make it enjoyable?]
* How do [your type]s act around their friends as opposed to larger groups of acquaintances or strangers?
* What do you think about small talk? It is easy/difficult? How do you move past it?
* How do you use MBTI to help you communicate with other types?
* Are there any stark differences between perceptions of [your type] and the way in which you view your personality?

Why is/is not social interaction important to me?

Social interaction is important to me in that it is necessary in order to function in the world – very few individuals can really do the hermit thing successfully and be fully satisfied (though I sometimes daydream about it).

Mainly, interaction is important to me because I realize that in most ways, it isn’t important to me, and so I make it a priority to a certain extent – the way in which it is most important to me is to be able to show the people I care about how much I value them by interacting with them.

I can explain it best by the “5 Love Languages” method. “Quality Time” is probably my main love language. I used to think it wasn’t because it clashes at times with my introverted nature in that quantity time is usually needed in order for me to get the quality time, and then when the quality time is set, I don’t have a need for the quantity so much, and this transfer can be confusing for the other person. Yet, when I adore someone, I want to spend time with them and will make it a priority.

It’s easier for me to recognize someone’s affection for me when they seek my presence, and not just in good times, for me or for them or both, but in distressing times as well, being there for each other – fair-weather relations are a different thing for me. It’s also easier for me to recognize when they… invite me to have more… participation in their own event; the example would be that I did not realize how much my friend valued me until she asked me to be in her wedding party, and it was eye-opening and endearing for me in our relationship because I’ve had friendships in the past that I thought to have been very close and yet I wasn’t asked to be in the wedding party for those friends – it wasn’t that I expected to be in their parties, but not having been in their parties and then being asked to be in one increased my recognition of my value to that friend.

My independence also creates difficulties for me in forming and maintaining relationships (in the general sense of the word). I am generally okay doing things on my own, like going to the beach or to a movie, even going to an event, and I’ve had reactions of shock and confusion when people have found out that I will do things by myself.

If I’m invited to a party, how do I feel? How do I feel at the party? [What are the things that I need to make it enjoyable?]

My reaction to an invitation varies. I will keep my answer to times when I am in good shape (not personally distressed). I evaluate the invitation in terms of who the invite is from first and for what type of event, and then I evaluate on when and where in terms of any previous obligations. How I am invited can also be an important factor; personal invites will get a more favorable response from me. Weddings and birthday celebrations are important. Honoring the honoree is my priority.

If it’s a party like a Christmas or Halloween party, or just a Party party, I generally require a very personal invitation, something like a “Jenn, I want you to be there.”

In any instance, if I have committed myself to attending, I require myself to prepare for it in advance. I remind myself that I’m doing this to honor Friend, relax, have a good time or at least present like I’m having a good time, be gracious and polite with people, make Friend look good for having invited my presence, etc.

At the party, I am generally reserved and in observation mode. If I am with a friend, I try to have them have a good time. I sometimes go into hostess mode, even while not being the actual hostess. If we’re with a group, and someone in the group seems shy, or actually not having a good time, keeping to themselves, I try to give them non-threatening attention. The case is usually that I’ve been invited by one good friend, to go along with their friends, and that I am meeting people for the first time, and yet I still lookout for the lone people.

In terms of what I need in order to enjoy myself, if someone invites me to a party of medium to large attendance, I don’t expect the host/hostess (or invite-r) to attend to me the entire time; a good “Hi, thank you for coming” is enough for most cases.

On a smaller scale party/ hangout, I do not like my presence to be ignored. For example, I was invited to miniature golf with a group of about 5 others. After a couple of holes, I noticed that everyone else was interacting with each other and I was left to entertain myself (they were people I had thought to be my friends). I was annoyed that night but tried to make the most of it. If I had driven myself there, I would have left without a word. I don’t need full attention all of the time; I simply would like some recognition, some reason or validation that my presence was invited, otherwise, don’t invite me and waste my time. Personally, it violated my giving of quality time; I wanted to spend my time with them and so accepted the invitation only to have been like a shadow on the wall.

I will look for anything that I might enjoy so this may vary. Making someone else have a good time is usually the first thing I go to, and I usually do this through personal conversation, really getting to know them, make them feel interesting. If I know the host/ hostess, I try to do what I can to make the party a good one, whatever it is they would like done or anything I see that might help. An example was a friend’s birthday party, medium-sized, formed mainly of two of her social groups; the groups did not interact much, and I tried to bridge the groups, at least in terms of my own interactions.

How does my type [INTP] act around my friends as opposed to larger groups of acquaintances or strangers?

I speak for myself here; I am not certain of the types of those with whom I hangout.

With friends, I am more talkative and out-going. I make more of an effort to interact, or maybe it’s that it doesn’t take as much effort because of a level of comfort with them. Still, I can say a lot without saying anything specific about me, but people will walk away thinking that they know me or that we shared something personal.

With larger groups of acquaintances/ strangers, I am more reserved. I am more thoughtful of being respectful, polite. 

Some of what I said in the previous answer relates here as well. I think I tend to look out for the lone persons because I tend to feel like I am the outsider and have appreciated those whom have invited me into their circles. Actually, I would say that it’s not just a feeling, but I have been the outsider many times – switching schools, moving, going off to college, going away for practicums, having those in my personal circle move away, etc. 

What do I think about small talk? It is easy/difficult? How do I move past it?

I don’t like small talk, but might use it as an “in” to deeper conversations. I think I am awkward in conversation, especially in small talk. I tend to think that the other person doesn’t actually want to know how I am really doing. Small talk, even with friends or acquaintances, is awkward for me.

I don’t know if I can explain how I move past small talk. I think I do it instinctually, like something they say piques something in my mind and I attack it – I latch onto it and immediately say or ask something that will lead the conversation that way. At least, that is what I think I do.

How do I use MBTI to help I communicate with other types?

I started to really get into MBTI only this past summer, so I consider myself still in learning and observation mode. I am most interested in MBTI for its possibilities in improving communication with others. At this point, I am getting a grasp for how I communicate and how it is different from how others communicate.

Are there any stark differences between perceptions of my type [INTP] and the way in which I view my personality?

Almost all of my conversations or observations of MBTI have been online; I have not really talked about type with friends or observed people in my life through the MBTI lens yet. Most of what I have read about INTPs, I have tested against what is true of myself only because I am the only INTP… specimen that I know personally at this point.

My bro studied psychology and so I asked him about MBTI. He thinks that he is an INTP, though it was a quick conversation in the car, so he might not be remembering correctly; that was his own review of what his type most likely is, not my doubt of it. I think he probably is an INTP, and if I am also an INTP (unofficially yet most likely), then we are the same type which has manifested very differently. Many factors may account for the vast difference, as well as to consider that we are all unique individuals; at first glance, we would not appear to be the same type.

All that to say… I am not sure if I can answer the question, or at least, answer well enough.

So, with my limited understanding and personal study of MBTI, I first thought it odd that INTPs are referred to as being robots; on further consideration, I can understand how I fit that perception also, and not just a little bit but predominantly so. I think my post of This Is the Story of My Cold Heart  is probably an illustration of a robotic-like practicality in a past potentially-romantic situation. It’s not that I think I have a particularly warm personality; I think I thought I hid it better – haha! More so, I guess I didn’t think robot at first because I had thought of it more in relation to being predictable or… automatic, and I don’t see myself that way.

I also kind of get taken aback by the opinions that INTPs are annoying to debate – this might be a post of its own though as to why it piques my interest because there are different aspects of it that I would want to address, and this is already a long post.

Annoying robotic debaters, this is what comes to mind at the moment. Otherwise, I think I fit the INTP stereotypes rather well or that I question people’s interpretations of the stereotype descriptions, that INTPs interpret the descriptions through a different lens.

If you’ve read all of that, congratulations! You’ve won a friend for life! No refunds given for unwanted friend for life. No exceptions.

I could definitely say more on social interaction and me, but I’ll save that for later.

And hello to any of the NFGeeks-sters! Thank you for having me!

Ehmm… The End.