For this week’s theme video on NFGeeks, “loneliness” is the topic [NFGeeks: Theme Thursday: Loneliness]. I am unofficially and most likely an INTP, and will be writing this response from a personal perspective; I don’t know if my answers are typical for the general INTP population.
Being “alone” and being “lonely” are two different things, as Dr. Mike said in his video.
At this time, I am alone for most of my day, on most days, but I am not lonely; I tend to prefer to be alone. I go about my day “alone” as well, even if I have to go somewhere where there are a lot of people or if I have to interact with people, I still think of myself as alone, like an observer, but I don’t think of it as being “lonely.”
In response to Dr. Mike talking about activities and being alone, I am quite different than he is in this respect. I have done a lot of things by myself that people have had a reaction to - I think I’ve mentioned this before. I have eaten alone in a cafeteria, gone to the beach alone, to weddings on my own, and even to a movie by myself. I don’t find seeing a movie by myself to be such a miserable experience, as Dr. Mike mentioned he finds it. Responses to my doing so have been along the lines of “Why didn’t you call me?” and “Why would you do that?” Sidenote: I’ve seen “Jumanji” and “The Passion of the Christ” by myself; they are the two that I can readily recall but there may have been others.
For me, loneliness comes mostly in contrast to feeling connected with another person. Relationships in general, feeling a connection with another person, can be a difficult thing for me. Most of the time I don’t think about it, but it’s when I have felt a strong connection and then the connection was lost that I have felt the loneliness most severely I think. So the loneliness is related to the lost connection - it’s in contrast to the connection that had been there. I don’t feel lonely until I realize someone was there and isn’t anymore.
Otherwise, I have felt lonely when I have been alone in a difficult, distressing situation. Two events come readily to my mind; I will speak about one of them, the more recent one, one that I have mentioned many times on this journal.
The event took place over many months, maybe even a year, and happened about 3 years ago. I was in conflict with a group of young adults (of that time) in the church. I have felt loneliness more acutely since then. I experienced it as being on one side and all of them on the other side. Even now, on occasions in which I run into them, I feel like I am still on one side by myself. I had counted them as my friends and found out in that conflict that I was alone, and therefore the loneliness sank in.
Also, not having someone close to me around to dispel the negative things being thrown at me during that event added to the difficulties I was experiencing.
Regarding a relationship in the dating sense, I have rarely dated and so have rarely been in a relationship. I have met one person I truly want to be with, but I am not with him, and so I feel the loneliness very much. However, I would rather face the loneliness than to try to make him want to be with me, or to seek to fill the loneliness with someone else.
So, am I lonesome tonight? Hmm….
Anyways, “Hi” to the NFGeeks!
Correction: In Don’t People Know There Is More To Parties Than Just Doritos? , I had said that NFGeeks made a theme video and then others made their own video responses. It was not a theme video, but an “Ask Dr. Mike” video that prompted and INTJ and then others to make video responses. The theme video and “Ask Dr. Mike” video are both a product of NFGeeks.