What? Who’s this now?
It’s me, Jennifer!
I have been on a bit of a hiatus from this journal and I apologize.
The past semester kicked my butt, stressed me out, and I was sick for a good chunk of it. There were times I wanted to post something and times I wanted to keep on a posting schedule. I could have posted yet there would have come a point when I would have had to take a hiatus from here anyway. I mean, I was stressed out, tired out, and sick when I went to take my last final.
I kept up a bit better with my version of a 365 Project; one can find it here: [My Year of Health]. At the end of the year, it will be quite short of 365 posts, but I am carrying it on as best as I can.
I was sick for most of March and April. At one point I thought I might be developing a psychosis, which is not improbable, or becoming a hypochondriac – I have those tendencies. Well, I was actually sick.
I am better now. I am certain that the stress probably kept a lot of the healing away; it usually does. Almost immediately after finishing my finals, catching up on a lot of sleep, and having a bad tooth taken out, I started feeling much better.
So, to get going back on the Healthy Go journey, I am starting out with food again. When I first started HG, it was about cutting things: calories, portions, soda, etc. This time, it’s about adding things, more fresh produce being the main thing: avocado, kiwifruit, bell peppers, grapefruit, and more to come!
My sleep has been… strange. I have to get it back on track. I also have to get back on track (if I ever was on any track) with workouts.
One down! I graduated with my Bachelors. It only took … so many years and detours that I had stopped counting. I am still holding my breath in a way, waiting for everything to finalize and I can see that diploma in my hand with my name on it and everything spelled correctly.
I have been holding on to as much of my school things as possible all these years just in case: syllabi, notes, handouts, papers, etc. It will be a great relief to be able to let all of that go. I will be digitizing those files and then I’ll have a lot of paper to finally recycle and more space in my room!
It is very difficult to pull out decent grades when one is depressed and struggling and just feeling so on my own. It is with this in mind that I report that in my last semester, I received 4 A-s. It’s a good sign.
At once, when I saw those letters, in my mind echoed all of my previous teachers and professors who always stated with some kind of certainty that, should I “apply myself”, I would be an A-student. There were reasons why I was never the A-student that everyone thought I was, and there were reasons why I finally pulled together an A-semester, some good reasons and some not-so-good reasons on both ends. I definitely earned the A-s in a proper manner, yet it did come with some sacrifice.
I still have to schedule a meeting and such to reassess where I am for the graduate portion of my primary program. I am already starting to decide whether I will go for completing it or not.
Either way, this past semester alone has done a lot for my confidence.
And I am grateful for it.
Thank yous go to God, my parents, my brother, and my great friends.
I haven’t had much of one outside of classes and home so far this year. I saw a couple of friends at a conference back in January. My friend Ivette and her husband Danny came down to the islands for a short visit recently and I was able to meet up with them for a few hours.
Otherwise, I’ve been… healing. I can say that I have loved and lost.
My great friends live far from me. One is raising his nearing-teenaged daughter. Two have recently entered motherhood. Many are working hard in their careers, having adventures with their families too. I love Hawai‘i and can’t imagine living somewhere else for a long amount of time, yet it’s difficult to watch and celebrate my great friends from so far away.
I do have a few good friends here at home. They’re often busy with their lives too. And I’ve been struggling on my own. I am still in bittersweet heartbreak mode.
Things will get better. Things will start moving along for me too, I know. It’s just not easy being patient, or in trying to figure out what to do in the meantime.
As much as I say that I am anti-social and don’t like people … yeah, I kinda … like… love people.
I mentioned this on MYoH recently, so I will mention it here too. I have been struggling with what to do with the faith that I have. Lately, I have been sensing a connection with Jonah of the Bible. Many people recognize the story of the man who was eaten by a great fish (other than Pinocchio). Jonah ended up in that fish because he ran away from the task that God had given him, which was to bring bad news against the city of Nineveh.
Now, I’m not saying I have bad news to bring to anyone. I did not get that clear of an instruction. It’s more that I ran away and am still running away, from facing a huge hurt from my past. I got tired of facing it. So I walked away.
This could easily turn into a 20 page paper rather than an update, so I will leave it for now.
What I can say is that bringing myself into more discipline in my personal faith journey has been important to me. It has been important to me and I got sidetracked for a bit.
One of the things that I have been tangibly working on has been to read the Bible daily. So far this year, I have been able to keep on track. I missed a couple of weeks in April, while I was sick and finals were around, but I am caught up again. In prior years, I would miss a month or four, or start over again entirely, so this has been a step towards doing better and making this a daily discipline that I do.
Having YouVersion Bible App on the Kindle has helped in this greatly; now if I do get off track, I know for sure where I left off and for sure where I need to get to again!
I am still a sinner; I say that not with pride, but with humility.
And with gladness, I say that I have been washed, sanctified, and justified “in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” [1 Corinthians 6: 11]
That’s enough update for now, right?
Oh, the cats are all okay.