Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Why I Have Been Single



I have had this silver ring for a long time, so long that I cannot be certain from where or when I got it. I sense that I got it in San Francisco, which means that it was either around 95 or 98, I think. I remember, whenever and wherever I had gotten it, that I liked the design.

I have since wondered about the design here and there but would forget to follow through and try to research it, even now in this internet age. I thought it might be Celtic for it looked like the Celtic knots.

March 12, 2013, I finally researched the design. It took awhile. I wanted to find the exact design because sometimes little nuances can change a meaning.

This is the site where I first found it:

Apparently, this is a Celtic infinity knot that is often used on wedding rings to symbolize “the lifelong bond a man and woman create on their wedding day.”

A few websites showed this design on the men’s ring and so I wondered but finally found this site that has it both on the man’s and woman’s ring:

Apparently, I have married myself. Or mom likes it to mean that I am the bride of Christ. I have found the culprit to my chronic singleness!

Well, I tend to have a preference for which ring goes on which hand, and sometimes which finger. For instance, while my Celtic ring fits comfortably on my ring finger, I like wearing it on my left hand. Since I am neither married nor engaged, I don’t wear any rings on my left ring finger. Hence, I wear my Celtic ring on my left middle finger. So in a sense, I have been giving my wedding the middle finger.

Over the years, this has probably been my most worn ring. It’s one of my earliest surviving ring; it’s a flat, band design, a design that I love; and it fits so well. I’m still going to wear it and yes, I would like to be married someday. Plus, the design is supposed to go all around the band, but mine is interrupted. This ring is not going to be a determiner in my singleness; I do not ultimately put my faith in such superstitions or talismans and such.

 I just thought this would be a funny read.

Thank you for reading,
Jennifer

Monday, March 25, 2013

The Good Word: Jesus’ Multiplication


Reading God’s Story plan: current
Lent for Everyone plan: current

The past couple of weeks, the readings have been mostly in Deuteronomy and Joshua. For the Lent plan, the readings come from Matthew and the Psalms.
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Today’s note comes from Matthew 14:15- 21 (NKJV)

[15] When it was evening, His disciples came to Him, saying, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is already late. Send the multitudes away, that they may go into the villages and buy themselves food.” [16] But Jesus said to them, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.” [17] And they said to Him, “We have here only five loaves and two fish.” [18] He said, “Bring them here to Me.” [19] Then He commanded the multitudes to sit down on the grass. And He took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, He blessed and broke and gave the loaves to the disciples; and the disciples gave to the multitudes. [20] So they all ate and were filled, and they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments that remained. [21] Now those who had eaten were about five thousand men, besides women and children.

This is the feeding of the five thousand plus. At least for church-goers, this would be a very familiar story and you’ll probably already know some of the points I got out of it. The note I wrote (3/5/2013) says:

“Here, the disciples are only seeing what they have, the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Jesus does the multiplying. How often do we look at what we have, or who we are, and think that is not enough? Yet Jesus calls us to heal the sick, to feed the poor. Maybe if we prayed and looked to Jesus, we might find that he has given us more than we thought, more than enough to do the task which he has set before us.”


What I noticed from the feeding of the five thousand plus:
  • Jesus gave the disciples instruction: You give them something to eat. He didn’t have them go to the crowd and search out what they had.
  • The disciples only saw what they had: 5 loaves of bread, 2 fish. On their own, they didn’t have enough to feed the people.
  • Jesus blessed and broke the loaves; he did the multiplying.
  • Jesus multiplied to overflowing, feeding the crowd and having more than enough left over. I wonder at this point whether Jesus and the disciples ate with the crowd or ate from the left over. I kind of like thinking that the disciples ate from the left over, as if Jesus were to say not to worry about themselves for there will be more than enough for them also, so that those who do the work will be taken care of as well.


I’m also thinking, just at this moment, that 5 loaves and 2 bread wouldn’t have been enough to feed the disciples. Maybe they asked about getting food because they were hungry?

Anyways, it doesn’t take away from any lesson. When God has given us a calling or a job to do, he will provide what we need to get it done. We might think it's beyond us, and it is, yet it will never be beyond God.

Once, I heard God call me to start a ministry. He told me to lead it. I doubted myself, I questioned God, “Why me? Who am I?” I didn’t hear anything after that and so I ended up wavering in the dissension and disrespect.

What could have happened if I had remained steadfast, if I had kept this lesson in my heart, if… if….

All I can do now is pray that this lesson is kept in my heart for the next time, however big or small. God will provide; Jesus will do the multiplying; I just need to trust and give it out.

What has God called you to? 

Forgiveness? Reconciliation? Provide? Witness? 

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Thank you for reading,
Jennifer

Disclaimer: I am a Christian layperson. I may or may not be extrapolating from the Bible accurately, though my aim is to be accurate or at least to not misconstrue God’s word, yet this is a reflection of where my faith journey is at the moment. I hope that further journeying will bring greater insight.


Friday, March 22, 2013

Discovering Lent



I know it is Friday and on this journal, that usually means a Healthy Go update.

Instead, it’s confession day for me.

This is my first time giving something up for Lent. I chose to remain logged out of Facebook for Lent. At first, I worried if this was going to be enough because for the most part, it’s easy for me to stay out of Facebook for long periods of time. It’s an either/or thing for me; either I’m all the way in or I’m all the way out. I thought maybe I ought to sacrifice something more difficult for me to give up.

Turns out that Facebook was still a good decision. I did well at first. I started getting weekly Facebook emails, tempting me to come back in. “You have a friend request.” “You have a message.” The emails are starting to come every day now.

And I was fine. I was tempted but I held in my heart that I gave this up so that I could become closer with God. I needed to trust myself that my word is my word and that I could do this. If I could get through this, I could tackle tougher things, more blaring weaknesses of mine.

Until today. I gave in.

I debated with myself, back and forth. I reminded myself about Lent. I wanted to help support a classmate’s production this weekend and spread the news of the event. I told myself that would be a good cause. I reminded myself that even though I made remarks about “Facebook for Lent” and set it up that way, even though I had never fully committed out loud and clearly stated it, in my heart I committed myself.

I logged in anyway.
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In the grand scheme of things, it would be good to help support a classmate and yet, the event isn’t dependent upon my support. The event is going to do well with or without me.

I went in. I saw who messaged me. I saw who the friend request was. I still debated whether I ought to post the event on my wall or not. At this point, I was logged into the event yet had not seen my wall. And I knew that I was wrong.
 
So I logged out.
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I prayed and asked God for forgiveness. I confessed the real reason that I had logged in.

The great thing is that I know that I have been forgiven.

The old me, the immature me, would have kept beating myself up for a slip up like this, and I’ve done worse before. I’m going to get through this and move on. I’ve accepted it.

I am back on Lent.

I am still a little sad that I had let down, but more so because of what I am learning from it. Learning is tough stuff at times. It’s painful.

The thing is that one of my dreams is dead. I’m letting it go and leaning more on God. It’s painful, but I’ve gotta let go of it. It’s gotta be done.

So I’ll cry tonight. I mean, I’ve already started, and I don’t have to be anywhere that people will see me tomorrow, so….
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Tomorrow is another day. I can still do the next 14 days or so left of Lent. I think I’m getting the essence of Lent.

… I don’t know what else to say about this.

If you’re going through Lent, I encourage you to keep going through it. If your heart is true about it, good will come of it. Stay true. God notices you.

Thank you for reading,
Jennifer

Friday, March 15, 2013

Healthy Go: Sloshing Through


Hello friends,

It has been here and there with the posts, on [Who I Am] in general, so this is also a bit of an update overall. Most of it has to do with health anyway.

If you’ve seen my [My Year of Health] project, I’ve been sick. Right now, I’m kind of on-and-off sick.

I even missed a few days on [MYoH] as well. I think I’ve been saving whatever thinking energy I have for the coursework I have to do. It’s paying off; I’ve been struggling yet apparently doing well in my first ever online course. This has been a boost to my confidence. I think that ever since I started Second College, I haven’t felt like I had my full intellectual faculties at work. I’ve been feeling kind of dumb, let’s say, and I’ve been questioning my decisions a lot. Last semester was a start and this semester has me feeling again like I am smart.  

My eating through this illness has been… iffy. I haven’t been eating entirely junk again but I haven’t been eating regularly. Most of it has to do with my sleeping habits lately in that I’ve been overly tired many days, and so I’ve had a lot of 2-meal days. I’ve been eating mostly liquid stuff, like soups, and soft stuff, like potatoes. I went without plain water for a bit because I couldn’t get enough effort up to washing my water bottle. I was drinking a lot of hot and cold tea.

My thoughts haven’t really been on exercising, even on the days that I felt okay. Yesterday I did quite a bit of walking around, and I even did several flights of stairs, so that’s been the most I’ve done in a while.

So pretty much, I’ve just been getting coursework done and doing any small thing to keep my spirits up. I’m not giving up. I’m just in neutral for now.

I hope that you are well! I hope that you’ve been making healthy progress.

Thank you for reading,
Jennifer

For another way to follow my healthy journey, visit [My Year of Health] with short posts everyday!


P.S. here are some pics of things going on anyway while I’ve been sick and not sick:

Lipstick: NYX Matte in Natural (indoor lighting).
Deciding which lip colorwill help me look less dead
when I did go out of doors. 
Nails: China Glaze in Peachy Keen (natural
light). Bright color to cheer me up and look
towards Spring!

Cats: Napping with my Megamouth Shark.
Places: visiting the Japanese Cultural Center
of Hawaii.
Places: The Heineken truck perfectly framed.
Places: The new interior look of Liliha Bakery.