Friday, September 14, 2012

Healthy Go: Pressure

My system is still out of sorts somewhat. I haven’t gotten back to drinking as much water as I had gotten up to before but I am still off of soda. I haven’t gotten to really work out a meal or an exercise plan. I get at least 30 minutes moderate walking Monday to Friday, “moderate” being between a leisurely and a brisk pace.

Really, there’s not much to report this week. I’ve been busy and sick, yet still feeling optimistic about this journey.

I mentioned last week that I’d talk about relaxing on myself. Deep breath… here we go.

Liliha Bakery: Strawberry Cheesecake.
Liliha Bakery: in 6 bite-size portions-
this is the way to enjoy it!


If it seems like I have been very easy on myself on this healthy journey, it is because I am.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m toughest on myself. I expect a lot from myself. I expect to know better, to learn better when I don’t know better, and to understand what is right when I have been wrong or have missed the mark. As one can imagine, that can be a lot of pressure on myself.

A friend called me “ambitious” once and I didn’t know what she meant. In recent years, I suppose I understand now. I have goals, constantly. I don’t like “same old, same old” or stagnation. I am often restless and not-yet satisfied. I want the chance to try, to take a risk.

I don’t want fame or riches; I want to be better than who I was yesterday. The pressure I put on myself often aids this ambition.

The pressure can also have devastating results.

Add to that the pressure I sense from others; this can also be good or not-so-good. I’d much rather have people expect more of me than nothing at all. At least I understand that they see potential in me and it gives me something for which to aim.

With all this pressure, I could use a good dose of encouragement- many doses, in fact.

Instead, I often get more pressure and discouragement. I have faced a lot of judgment; it only hurts when it’s from people I trust to have some care for me.

It’s okay- I get that judgment and negativity are easier to give. I’ve been guilty of it as well. (I’m trying to learn better)

I have been depleted of encouragement for far too long that I can barely remember the last. And so now is not the time to pour on the pressure, at least not about my health. Pressure will come and be of more use later.

Right now, I need encouragement.

Lately, I’ve had to find the encouragement (other than from God) within myself. It has been very tough to do and I want to give up at times.

I am tired. I feel like I’ve been on my own too much. Part of it just how I am and the other part is… other people. As much as I am “independent” (people have said of me) and claim to be anti-social …I don’t believe anyone was made to be alone.

I’m sure some of you might be wondering how someone as “popular” as me can feel alone. To answer would be a much longer post.

In short, I have a few great, intimate friends; I consider them my “sisters;" there are a few "brothers" too. I have released them to continue on their paths. I couldn’t be happier or prouder of who they have become/ are becoming and of what they are doing. They are amazing.

I’m simply missing proximity.

So, if you still think I’m being too lackadaisical or undisciplined with this health journey, then maybe this journal isn’t for you and that is quite alright.

If you’re on a health journey yourself and need more discipline and structure, there are other, much better websites and blogs out there, people more knowledgeable about fitness. I hope you find what you need.

Either way, you’re welcome to remain here with me. I am glad to be here and hope that you find encouragement in something I may post as well as practical ideas for anything I might be doing. I’m not a health or fitness professional; I am here to encourage and motivate because if I can get healthier, you might as well give it a try also.

I’ve always been more of a… find-my-own-way kind of person and so that is how I’ve been managing this so far. It can be a problem, I’m aware.

Now, for some good points!

My family has been noticing my efforts and has been helping in their way with what they can.

I mentioned last time that Mom switched with me so I could have water. Dad is not so shocked anymore when I don’t ask for soda or if I don’t eat the portions that I used to.

Even my big bro encouraged me to order a healthier choice at Fat Boy’s, yes, by pointing it out. I was still wincing at the price and my eyes were scrambling for something cheaper.

On that note, I can sometimes get myself to be somewhat okay that healthier choices seem to cost more. Here’s how I think of it: yes, healthier food choices may cost more now, but it’s cheaper than needing back surgery, or knee replacement, or medication for some kind of internal complication later, due to the extra pounds. I’m sure someone smarter than me put that together way before I did. I wish I could remember so I could properly thank them.

In time, I will get better (and better) at this, at all of this.

I plan to go to the gym. I will get myself weighed and get moving.

I hope you are healthy and well!

Thank you for reading.