Monday, June 13, 2011

Getting Up the Nerve

I have gotten the follow-up call from the doctor. He said he thought it might be something but after reading up on it, he doesn’t think it is that anymore- sounds like that is good news. If the condition doesn’t improve in a few days, then I am to go see the other doctor he recommends.

So I suppose that leaves me with possible nerve damage at this point. When I told Brother about the muscle twitches, he agreed with the doctor that it probably is nerve damage. I looked up articles on the topic and it is possible.

Well, my toes no longer look swollen. I can move them a little more today. I am trying to exercise my leg and increase the range of motion as I can stand to do so. It is difficult, it is frustrating, and it is tiring, bringing on more pain at times.

Then I think about how minor this is. My situation, compared to that which Joanne Heim is going through, is so minor. Joanne suffered a stroke. She is working hard to recover an entire side of her body. She is working to regain her speech clarity. For certain activities, she is relying on her support system so that as much as possible, nothing more happens to hinder the recovery process and she gets better. [Follow Joanne's journey here; it may also strengthen/ encourage your faith]

Where is my nerve?

Dealing with my leg is largely uncomfortable with pain only sometimes, and I have moments when I want to cry. Though unsteady on my left leg and still using a crutch, I can still walk. If I need help, I can easily shout out or call by phone to have Mom or Dad come for me. I can clearly express to them what I need. I can be left at home for hours without worry that something more might happen. The muscle twitching disturbs me some but it’s better than not having any sensation at all. Thank goodness, I have not fallen or banged my leg against anything.

Part of my frustration is in knowing that I am tougher than this.

I’ve said many times before that I am a strong-willed person. Being strong-willed comes with extra portions of nerve. At 2, I had the nerve to stay up long after Mom said to go to sleep. At 15, I took the wrong bus and walked through a rough neighborhood for an extra hour or more to the next bus stop and didn’t tell my parents why I was late. At 19, I gave a good talking to a 6’2/ ~180 pound guy who thought it was funny to mess with the backside hem of my friend’s skirt.

A little knee pain? Some discomfort? Where is my nerve?
____________________________

And the question goes to my faith journey at this moment as well. Where is my nerve to do what God has for me to do? I had the nerve to start something…. Well, that is a whole house to unpack… a lot more than what one entry could stand. I’ve already spent a good number of entries for some things which led me to the present condition with no improved outcomes as of yet.

So for now, focus on strengthening and training my once powerful leg [Read a previous tribute to my thighs here]. Monitor the swelling in my foot and toes. PUSH PAST THE EXHAUSTION AND PAIN. Do not injure my right leg with the extra-load carrying.

GET UP THE NERVE TO WORK MY NERVE AND RECOVER MY WALK.

My favorite verse which I still have yet to memorize where exactly it is:
“Praise be to the Lord,
To God our Savior,
Who daily bears our burdens.
Selah
~Psalm 68:19- NIV


Thank you for reading.