Friday, December 3, 2010

The Setup Reveal

So, Sunday was awkward!

I hadn’t been getting much sleep lately and my digestion has been a problem. During Sunday service, I sat outside; the fresh air helps to keep me awake.

When “aloha time” came around, J, J, and H were sitting next to me. The master setup conspirator hurried outside and grabbed my wrist. “Jennifer, don’t you want to come and sit inside? He’s sitting in front of me.”

I resisted. MSC went back inside. The snickering and teasing began.
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After service, I was sitting with 2 other K guys. MSC came outside with the Prospect in tow. MSC introduced us and I shook his hand, but I was in the middle of a text with Apple in WA. MSC also introduced me to Prospect’s mother; she kindly waved. MSC tried to orchestrate a phone number swapping or something. Supposedly, Prospect’s been given my number; I did not take his, not that it was offered me.

Awkward.

When they moved on, more teasing by the K guys. Great. I am not gonna escape this one, huh?
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I was telling Squeaks this story and of course she got all excited. “You don’t know! He could be the one!” I get the sense that she would try some conspiracies of her own, if she thought I might comply in the least, hehehe. She wished she had been there to see him; I’m glad she wasn’t!

Prospect seems nice enough. All we said was, “Hi.” Not much to tell. Though, he doesn’t seem like the take-charge kind of guy so, to Squeaks’ dismay, I am not going to make any moves on this. A romantic relationship is still not my priority, though it’s what I want. He could surprise me. We shall see.

I am appreciative that MSC thinks well enough of me to recommend me. Finally, someone who thinks I’m worth a deal, enough so to get involved. Though, setups in the past have not worked out with me. I respond better to direct advances from the guy and it’s not something that I want to change.

And… as much as I say that I’m going to let go and move on… it’s not easy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My intuition is pretty on target most of the time, not that I always listen to it. I know that it frustrates people because they want logical argument, they want answers. The only answer I have is that I know. “How do you know?” I just do. I’d like to have a logical argument, yet even when I think I have one, someone will say that I don’t.

I say that I’m letting go and moving on though I can’t be sure that I’m not lying to myself again. Others will never understand why I chose as I did.

More to trust God with. I know that he can handle, I’m just not sure that I can endure this much longer. I know I should say that I can by God’s endurance. This is the toughest I’ve had it, so…. I just don’t know.

[DEEP BREATH]