Monday, October 4, 2010

Imposing One’s Lie

I hate lying for someone else, mainly for someone younger than me, especially for a minor. It’s not that I haven’t done it in the past, but I hate it.

I’m not experienced in lying to my parents about where I’m going, who I’m going with, by what time they should expect me home, or who I’m dating. I’m not experienced in lying to my former boyfriend about the same stuff. I’m not that experienced in lying to friends [like if one wasn’t invited to something, I wouldn’t lie about going to the something they weren’t invited to]. Therefore, I am not very good at this kind of lying for myself so one should not expect me to be better at it for someone else.

I’ve lied to my parents about other things that is usually because I just don’t want to talk at all, but not about those things. I haven’t had much reason to. I’ve thought about it, but then I imagine something going horribly wrong leading to a sort of dark comedy of hopelessly trying to cover up a lie with another lie and so on and so on, like in a family show from the old days only I would be the one learning the tough life lesson or two or five. I get it, not everyone has a good relationship with their parents as I do and aside from cases like in abuse or something, lying to someone else’s parents is not my problem.

I like that my parents ask the when/where/who questions, because it shows that they love me and I want to honor that as best as I can. Also, if something did happen, and they couldn’t find me, they would have some information to work off of. That thought comforts me and is worth more than lying to them.

It’s tough enough that I deal with the guilt of times that I have lied; I do not need to deal with guilt from lying for someone else’s doings. If I unknowingly mention something later that gets someone caught in a lie, I’m not going to backtrack to cover something up for someone else. It’s not my business to cover up for someone else. I am not good at it.

I want to be a good influence on others. I want to be worthy of trust. My parents might ask me questions but they don’t interrogate me and they take my word on a lot of things because we don’t have a history of me lying to them. I could get away with so much more than I do but I don’t because I’d rather maintain that kind of trust and limit the things I would want to lie about. I’ve had other parents ask me questions to check against what their child told them because their relationship has a different kind of history. I’ve had a friend get a break from a grounding because her parents trusted me with her.

I can easily do sarcastic misdirection/ ambiguity responses. I can lie to avoid drama [Did you finish your homework? Is my pie better than hers? Sure]. I can lie if it’s for something like a surprise party, but I’m not very good at this either, so I’ll mostly just not answer any questions at all.

So I’m not saying that I cannot tell a lie; I’m a weak liar. It’s too much work. Rascal wrote a worship song, played it for a few of us and asked our opinions on it. I said it was good. Rascal said “Really?” “Yes, I like it. I would tell you if it sucked.” “Yeah, I know you would!” He knew that because I’ve been honest with him over the years, even when it hurt, and that is mostly because it’s too difficult and too much work for me to come up with a bad lie [and he knows I care about him].

I even try to be careful about the secrets, my secrets that I tell my confidantes because I wouldn’t want them to have to lie for me. It’s not fair to them. I trust them and sometimes it’s very difficult for me to carry something on my own, when I’m deeply struggling, but it’s not fair to them. I’m working towards being wiser about such things. If someone tells me to keep their secret and I’m directly asked about it by someone else, I’ll most likely use silence, “no comment” or distraction rather than lying.

But once more, if it’s a harmful or willfully deceitful rebellion kind of secret [like cutting oneself or lying to a parent, or, might I add, cheating on a partner], I will not guarantee complete secrecy; at the most I might be able to do discretion, as much as it is in my control. I can keep secrets, I just don't like lying.

It’s not that I’ll run right out to expose the lie; I simply won’t guarantee to keep the lie. So far, I’ve been able to keep my word.

And, I don’t like someone’s lie imposing on my good time.

Which happened to me recently and is the main reason for this post.

First, I was supposed to spend time with Friend, to catch up with each other and tell Friend some serious stuff that I need Friend to know. Friend showed up with others. Later on, I find out that among the others brought was a Minor who lied about where Minor would be. So near the end of the night, I took some pictures. Minor was in one of them, so immediately I was bombarded with more than one “Don’t post that one on FB!!”

And though I should finish this post… this is all I’m going to say on the matter: I was not happy.

The end.

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