Friday, October 22, 2010

Here’s the Long of It

[First birthday; I suppose it was happy]

This is a new strange for me. I will be having something in place of my birthday about a month and a half after my actual birthday.

Let’s see, my non-annual non-birthday birthday gatherings and other nonsensities have gone like this:

My 18th birthday was spent away from home. Mom’s cousin and her family, whom I hadn’t known until a month earlier, learned that it was my birthday and being away from home, they were very sweet in surprising me with dinner and presents.

[The card from the studio guys; this kine stuff is really all I need]

My 19th birthday, also away from home, the studio guys and a few other people got me cards.

My 21st, I planned dinner at Waimalu, one of my family’s favorite places to eat. My birthday was on a Tues, but dinner was on the Sunday after. It was great because about 20 people came. My 21 co-workers, whom I had started working with a couple months before, brought me a bottle of 99 Bananas, which took years to be rid of after. Some people at church had been invited somewhat last minute and several came anyway which was wonderful, even stopping somewhere to get me gifts. It sucked because that was a turning point in Hatchet becoming my ex-friend [a label I take very seriously; I should have said that she chose to become my ex-friend].

My 22nd was with Wrestler. I watched his soccer game, they lost :( . Then he presented me with one of those gigantic paper roses and took me out to dinner- Italian! :)

My 24th is the infamous birthday that started the official non-birthday gatherings. I had considered it my 24K Gold birthday, but turned out it was made of pyrite instead.

The actual day was a weekend and the UH Warriors had a football game- great! We planned for going to the game and to the club after.

Before the game, we got a call from Apple, saying that she was driving home from the windward side and too tired to go to the game. So I drove from home on the west side, all the way to town by the U where Apple lived, and brought her to the game in the middle. The boys weren’t into football, not even for me, not even for my birthday [not since Handsome have I been able to get the guys to go to a game with me; I miss Handsome]. So Apple, Crusty, Joyful and I enjoyed ourselves at the game- I believe we won.

Then we went to Apple’s for the rest interval. I got a call from Oreo. He wanted to join us to the club but didn’t want to show up by himself but didn’t think his girlfriend would come because she thought that we didn’t like her no matter how much I told him that wasn’t the case and to bring her…. It went back and forth like that for several minutes and I just ran out of patience for that kind of stuff quickly. Apple said she didn’t want to drive to pick him up. I said that it was my birthday, I’d done enough driving earlier, I wasn’t going to backtrack again to pick him up by the h.s. and then go to Waikiki. I told him he could meet us there with or without his gf or don’t come at all, goodbye. And I hung up.

I don’t usually hang up on people but I’d had enough. I know, I’m cruel and worse yet when the other person is as sensitive as Oreo can be. *sigh. And certain people wanted us to date. … For me at times, it’s cruelty by honesty rather than cruelty by false niceties. And, we had always been friendly with his gf; she was the possessive one that didn’t want him hanging out with us.

While I had been on the phone with Oreo, Apple got a call from Sexy. I hung up with Oreo and we waited for Sexy to call back again. When she did, it was bad news: Sexy had just seen her aunty cheating on her uncle. Sexy was distraught and crying, but decided to be tough. I told her she didn’t have to come out that night but she said it was my birthday [thank you, Sexy! Finally someone recognizing this!] and she said she was coming out so she’s coming.

We went to the club, but I don’t remember much about that. We moved on to a less crowded bar. I drove with Apple. Sexy met us with Wee. We had a good time at the bar, even though we were there for only half an hour.

We got to the parking lot in time to see Sexy’s car being hitched up for a tow. It didn’t seem to me like she had parked in a towaway. Sexy and Wee pleaded with the guy and ended up paying to get unhitched. Sexy gave me a present of Russian water and went home. I felt terrible.

[From the redo]

A month later, we did a redo, which also ended up sucking on the point that Apple and Sexy couldn’t make it to dinner. It was still better than the original night because Handsome came! Oh, and the boys, and some friends from church, and Brien from studio.

And that is the birthday gone horribly wrong that scarred me.
To continue…

My 25th, the Quarter of a Century birthday, was very quiet and small. Apple was going to take Sexy to dinner for her birthday [which is a few days before mine] on my actual birthday, so we combined. It was Apple, Sexy, MadScientist and I at Big City. So it was the actual day, but technically we went to celebrate Sexy, so I still don’t really count that as one of my own. I was still in recovery from the previous year I suppose.

My 26th, I was away from home again. On the actual day, I had a pleasant lunch with an old friend, but I hadn’t told him it was my birthday so I don’t really count it. My roommate found out a little late [in me being shy and reluctant to tell] but gave me a gc to Victoria’s Secret. Who doesn’t love getting spoiled? I think he found out because of the suspicious look of the cards I was getting in the mail.

Then nothing except family dinners for #27-29.

[Happy present from Apple this year]

I celebrated my 30th [celebrating three decades of life on the outside] about a week early to coincide with Trace visiting and before Apple leaving. I invited anyone I could. Crusty had hers the same day, so I went to hers first and some people also came to mine later. An event that had been on hold was rescheduled for the same night, after I had sent out my invitations, [with other points] leading to my disappointment in some. However, most of the main people were there and it was a good night.
[Early present from Chemist this year]

And then nothing, not even family dinner until this year, which is, I repeat, 6 weeks after the actual day. I was in a mood. I wanted to spend it happy with someone whom I knew to care, but I didn’t call him and crapped out with another friend because I knew he would choose something else, though to be fair, I didn't say what it was for or why, and then I didn't want to.... Few days before the actual, I expressed to some people what I wanted and why, trying to have a good attitude and do something on the actual, yet they chose the something else also, so that dampened my good attitude. I wanted to go climbing but was stressed out then lazy about planning it. Two key people I wanted to include were/are going on trips. All that adds up to a very late gathering.

I still don’t want to have dinner at all but have long learned that even though it’s my birthday, the dinner is less about me and more about those who care about me, thanking them for another year with me.

[I look good for thirty-cough, right?]

Yet, I am very apprehensive this year because of affections. I thought writing this, I'd remember a really good birthday and be more hopeful. I think I probably won’t do anything next year, despite what I’ve learned in the past. It hardly seems worth it anymore. Or maybe I’m worn. The last two birthdays were “good” on one point that I no longer have. Yes, I’m whining, though some things would mean so much to me and I’m all for celebrating others then when it’s me, I’m simply tired of expecting. I'm tired of being let down and clearly I have reason for it. Usually, I can adjust to something going wrong, but not anymore for something like this. If this, even though late, dinner doesn't go well, .... Tell me that I cannot cancel this year’s dinner!

To think that my last entirely happy birthday with nothing gone wrong [except for my spiritual state] and only good was with Wrestler... makes me sad. I made no fuss about my birthday, he made all the arrangements and was like a good bf. That was a long, long time ago. I want this sadness to change.

Anyways, on that note, I’m posting my birthday list since it has already passed and I barely care anymore either way:
Jewelry organizer: more so for my necklaces and bracelets
Elfquest Graphic Novel 6: The Secret of Two-Edge
Elfquest Graphic Novel 7: The Cry From Beyond
Elfquest Graphic Novel 8: Kings of the Broken Wheel
Gift certificates from: Nordstrom, Lowe’s,
....Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, Best Buy, Express,
....iTunes, Ala Moana/ Ward Centers,
....Victoria’s Secret, Charlotte Russe,
....Arden B., Legos, Showers of Blessings Bookstore,
....Bella Beads
TWLOHA shirt
A hat
Glow stars [mega galaxy box from Spencer’s]
Lemon drops
Nikon D90 [though I’d settle for a D60]
Hiking shoes
Vapur bottles
White Jasmine tea
A Fossil Watch
Trip to Hilo
Season tickets to UH Volleyball
Swim time
Tabora print
A globe
Shoes designed by Carlos Santana
Bus pass
Trip to see Chulo
A new comfortable bike seat [it’s way overdue]
Goodies from Big Island Candies
A guava cake from Liliha
Wet Okole seat covers
A small backpack [maybe from T&C] for hiking

$10 donations to East Bay Habitat for Humanity, Hawaiian Humane Society, Hawaii Foodbank, or Focus on the Family.

And that was definitely the long of it. The end.

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