I am still reading through Psalms. I stalled for awhile. While Psalms has a lot of good stuff in it, it’s hard to understand at times.
Then recently I thought about how appropriate it is that I should be reading in Psalms while I am going through this specific time of brokenness. I have been brokenhearted many times, but this time I have wanted to step out in faith of what God’s done in my life by leading all the while still dealing with moments of broken-heartedness. I do question my own ability to lead [or to do anything for that matter] because I am unsteady about myself.
Psalms is said to have been mostly written by the David who was King of Israel. Psalms is full of questions, full of pleading to the Lord for help, for mercy, for forgiveness, for protection, for all sorts of things. Psalms is also full of praise, full of faith, full of hope, full of all sorts of good things. David confesses, David confides, David finds his peace in the Lord.
David suffered persecution from King Saul [read from around I Sam 18]. He suffered through a separation from his good friend Jonathan [also from I Sam 18]. He was ridiculed by his older brother [I Sam. 17: 28]. He sinned with Bathsheba against God [II Sam. 11:1 -12:23].
David also killed Goliath [I Sam 17]. He was revered by people [I Sam 18]. He spared King Saul’s life twice. He laments over both Saul’s and Jonathan’s deaths [II Sam 1].
David had great highs and great lows. He was leader over a nation. He RULED over a nation.
I just want to guide some people. But if David could lead a nation [and rather well], and embrace the range of his emotions, while keeping his faith in God, however imperfectly though faithfully, might I not help guide a few people towards fullness in God?
There really isn’t any one person that God cannot use for service, is there? … Even more so if he calls them to something? *Sigh. I’m no David, but God’s not telling me to lead a nation.
I’m not saying it definitely will happen. Who am I to instruct the future? I’m just asking, is it not possible that I could lead, even though I am a broken heart?
Well, I suppose, we shall see in time. I’m not sure toward which way I’m trying to convince myself but I know what others are convinced of regarding me.