Friday, August 6, 2010

Pushing Past Fear and Pain, with a Bionic Finger!

Well, not quite. I never seem to get it quite right. You'll see.

Too much negative energy had surrounded me and had begun to gather inside. I needed to get it out somehow, aggressively. This one was mainly from the heart-brokenness that was written in the prayer on Monday, kind of been building up for months [I know, cryptic. Well]. Something snapped and I headed for the gym. That should read: I got it out in a healthier manner than the ugly alternative which was in my mind, so thank you, God, for this Holy Spirit win! Honestly, it wasn’t on my own.

I hadn’t been to the gym in months, causing some anxiety about going. I think I’m at my heaviest weight ever. I don't know 'cuz I don't have a scale. It's that these are my biggest clothes ever and they were starting to convey signs of tightness. I would like to get new clothes, but smaller ones- no more going up in size, please!

I’ve been exercising in my room, though it’s not enough. I have no jogging/ swimming/ biking friends, and I’d prefer these activities outdoors, but more so prefer to not be alone for such due to safety reasons. I’ve gone/will go alone, but would prefer not to. So the gym is the best option for me right now and I can go at any time of the day.

I hadn’t gone because my toenail is still growing back and is at rather decisive odds with wearing any sort of covered-toe footwear. Also, the family had been limited to one car, of which I am last in usage preference. Then, it’s difficult to motivate myself at times, having no gym partner at the moment; other times, I’ve done well with getting myself to go.

Recently we’ve become again a two-car family, helping in the immediate situation, so I went to the gym. They have a new sign-in process: a fingerprint scanner! On one hand, I’m a little paranoid about what could be done by strangers with access to more of my information. On the other hand, I’m fascinated because I never thought I would be in a position of having to use one! And there you have the Bionic Finger reference that doesn’t quite translate.

Then haha, as casually as I could muster, I asked the guy how long they had the scanners. He said about two weeks now so it's still new, being tried out. I would have felt a little sheepish if he had said they'd had it for X-months!

Oh, another small anxiety about going to this gym: the possibility of running into my former, Wrestler. It's happened on occasion. This time, I saw his friend K but K's not one that was around much to like recognize me or to come up and say Hi. And if he had, or if I had, it'd be rather okay and nice. Most of Wrestler's friends are cool about talking to me and I'm generally always cool about talking to whomever.

The first half of the elliptical run, I felt great! I could feel my toe, but it didn’t bump against the shoe too much [besides, I'm tough!]. Then the toe started to complain. Finally, there was no chance of humoring it [you try having a banged up toe!].

However, the good news is that I went the full time that I aimed for!

Stats: Elliptical machine/ 60 minutes/ 4.25 miles/ 436 calories burned.
[I guesstimated ~155 lbs, XX years old; the machine asks *shrug* I don't care; if people asked me, I'd tell them the numbers]

Not bad, considering how I used to do and how long ago I used to do it.

And I had a Legally Blonde moment pop into mind because I was feeling better. The actual quote is: “I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't.”

This inspired the most recent FB status update of: “in an attempt to not kill 'my husband,' I exercised, producing endorphins, which make me happy, and 'happy people just don't kill their husbands.'"

Don’t read too much into it. I wanted to mark the went-to-the-gym-and-feeling-better-afterwards moment. That is all. Nothing more and nothing less.

And I get it, I am not funny.

The end.

Thank you for reading.

The end. I’m sure this time.