Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Where Have Purity and Innocence Gone?

I admit that I do not have the cleanest of minds. I enjoy the art of double entendres and innuendos used smartly well. I am careful of it but confess that I have on occasion participated in such talk.

When we went to see the premier of “Twilight: New Moon,” many people were wearing the Burger King crown that featured the movie’s actors on it. XL made a comment that “Bella” looked almost like she was naked. Squeaker said that “Jacob” looked naked [because he is shirtless and the picture has him from the waist up]. XL said that everyone knows “Jacob” wears cutoffs. Not even having the image in my mind but in having a quick comeback, I said, “Not in my mind.” They laughed.

Honestly, I wasn’t picturing “Jacob” at all, but how is anyone else supposed to know that?

Well, I am changing.

I used to think that purity didn’t matter so much, at least with me and my peers. People have a difficult time letting that go or allowing for people to change. Dirty innuendo was easy to come by in studio that had a ratio of about 10 guys per female student and with some of the females… being of loose character. I thought I would be okay as long as it was just words, as long as I kept physically pure.

God constantly teaches and reminds me that words matter.

Someone [I’ll call him Generic*] on FB sent me a message that played on dirty thoughts. We had never gotten past being classmates and acquaintances; we were not friends. Given the atmosphere of studio, Generic probably thought I was okay with such talk. I unfriended him. It had been months, but he got around to friending me again so I added him. He’s the WU subject of this previous post.

I had added a quote from Anonymous that I thought was funny. In wanting to keep Anonymous, well, anonymous, I didn’t credit the quote to anyone. The quote itself is innocent but it mentions a bra. Also, my profile picture is of my TWLOHA writing in pen on my arm.

Generic sent me a message recently. He loves the “new tattoo” and wants to know what other ink I have and he asked a question about the bra. I answered that it’s not a tattoo but that I would like one but can’t make a decision about it, like what, where, etc. I said the picture was for TWLOHA and directed him to check out their site. I said that the bra thing wasn’t me. I asked how he was doing.

Generic replied with continued talk about me and a tattoo and that he still thinks the bra thing was me.

I am creeped out. I enjoy being a female and like being attractive, but I don’t really like guys making… those kinds of comments. I want to be around guys who protect my purity and innocence and expect the best of me.

I’ve tried putting conversation with Generic through the laundry cycle. I think Generic will continue trying to turn the conversation dirty and I don’t look forward to that.

Q1: Should I unfriend Generic again? Or do I continue trying to wash our conversations?

Chulo is an exception. We started out with a good friendship. He didn’t creep-talk me. One time, we were waiting for a class and Friend* said something about “morning wood.” They laughed; I didn’t. “You know what that is, right?” I had no idea. They carefully explained it to me and then never made such comments in front of me.

Chulo continued to protect me. After I came home to stay, we kept in contact through email, letters and phone calls. It was only then that he would tease me; remembering my innocence, he thinks it’s comical to imagine me as an exotic dancer. He doesn’t draw out that kind of talk and I know that if I said enough he would stop. He has always respected me.

Q2: Am I being hypocritical about being creeped out by Generic while letting Chulo joke with me? Is there no room for exceptions ever?

Q3: Should I delete the bra quote?

I miss the days when I was more naïve.

Anyways, God has reminded me to protect my purity and to protect the purity of others. God doesn’t delight in such impure talk, how can I? Please, also remind me of this.

*I’ve said that I use nicknames to protect and respect people’s privacy. Generic nicknames like [Generic] and [Friend] are for more privacy or for persons whom do not warrant a nickname because I probably won’t mention them again. [Generic] and [Friend] may apply to anyone; they are not limited to use for a single person.

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