Sunday, May 23, 2010

Untitled [05.23.10]

Dear God,

I hate this. I knew nothing was going to be easy and I have been open to being uncomfortable. This, I hate.

It’s difficult to watch others get what they want while living life the way that they want to. It’s even more difficult to watch them get what I have wanted while doing what they want to do and what I would want to do if I had not come to love you. I’ve worked so hard for this and that which are at this moment for me, lost.

But that’s why you’ve said to keep my eyes on you. I know you love me. I am in awe of you and fearful of just how strong and deep and pure your love is for me and to think that your love is the same for each one of us. I know you long to bless me with what is good for me and so my journey is not the same as that of others.

You have ordered a path for me. You will sustain me through this because I have put my trust in you, I have vowed to follow you and do things your way, not perfectly but faithfully. Imperfectly, I will stumble yet you are the one who forgives me, picks me up, carries me, heals me, restores me to my feet to walk beside you again, faithfully.

Keep my eyes on you, so that you might empower me to do your will, to show the love in our relationship, your love for me and my love for you, to the world that they might come into fuller relationship with you. Keep showing me the way, teach me, guide me, walk with me, that others might become curious and learn more about you and to follow you and to love you to the fullest.

It is because I keep my eyes on you and daily choose to follow you that I am able to join in your work of reaching others.

I hate this, yet I will trust in you and love you. I have desires on my heart, Lord, and the only way to fulfil them is to allow you to fulfil your desires in me. I am impatient, Lord, and I will learn patience just as I have learned to trust you and to do things your way.

Not my will but yours be done.

Please.