Sunday, May 23, 2010

Pride-ful Musings

I was watching Pride and Prejudice [with Keira Knightley] and had a thought. I think back to those times when a lady’s future depended on her marrying. She didn’t have much else to attend to, I mean that she didn’t have to work or improve her mind if she didn’t want to; all she had to do was marry well. And so Elizabeth Bennet was odd for her time to be proud and wanting something more than to marry well.

And how harsh are the times now on someone who would’ve been comfortable in Miss Bennet’s time?

This isn’t to say that I’d rather be unintelligent and lazy, or to be whiling my time away with chasing thoughts of marriage, but I sometimes wonder if I would have fared better in another period of time. I struggle with it sometimes as I love when I am and believe that God doesn’t make mistakes. Only I don’t know how well I should do in having to work a job I do not love.

I suppose it’s something I should struggle with, being someone so in love with ideals that it’s difficult to ground myself with reality. It’s odd, I wasn’t like this before, I truly wasn’t. I used to be very grounded in reality that I found it difficult to find any joy in it. I can’t seem to come to a balance these days.

I figure, one should have something in life to love, I mean God gives us the capacity to love and we should implement love. I would so much love to be a wife but only to one I would love. In not having much prospects of such at this time, I suppose I could settle for an occupation that I love, but I am so fascinated by so many things that I don’t know that I could concentrate on one profession. I want to try them all!

I’m not adverse to hard work. I would enjoy hard work very much if I could find a way to love what I was doing. I loved volunteering with Habitat for Humanity even with all the sore muscles and bruises. I loved doing the ministry work I was doing the last several months, even with all the frustrations and... -aches. I loved working in the WU Library with all the books, no matter how mundane some of the tasks were. I loved working for the customers of Forever21 despite all the drama of working with younger girls.

And I wonder if I would have felt freer to pursue whatever I would like in Miss Bennet’s time or a little bit after it.

But I also think I might have been bored for lack of interesting female company.

Anyways, when I’m watching P&P, I much very feel like I’m more Darcy than Elizabeth! I mean in the being-socially-awkward-and-come-off-stuck-up way.

So then, I guess there’s no real point to this entry but then, how often is there a point to what I write?

Mahalo for reading.

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