Thursday, April 29, 2010

Growing Pain in the Toe

I was so sure that I had smashed my toe bad enough to have the nail fall off. I mean, I didn’t smash it on purpose. I don’t know if it’s gonna come off anymore or not. It’s still an ugly gross dark purple. The skin around the nail is seriously tough and dry now. The cuticle has come off hard with the nail growing out.

Isn’t it fascinating but frustrating at times that the body will heal and we don’t really have any control over it? Fascinating because the other time when the toenail definitely came off, I didn’t know much about nails at all, so there was a moment of scare because I didn’t know if it would grow back or not, how it would grow back, etc.

Just from having observed it grow back, it kind of grows up from the bed, looking kinda scaly and stuff for awhile. Then it grows out. So it layers and then pushes outwards.

The frustrating part is that I have no control over how it heals or how long it takes. I always avoid shoes as much as I can, but this time I’m being more aware of avoiding shoes because ever since the toenails grew back the other time [after Kaho‘olawe], I’ve had to keep the nails absolutely trimmed as short as possible. If I forget to trim them down each time, they would hit against the shoe and bruise the toe all over again. That’s why I tend to keep up more with painting my toenails, to cover up the ugly bruising underneath them. Anyways, all that to say that it’s helping me avoid the gym [because I’m not wearing shoes at all for now] which is not good.

And it hurts! The nail on my left toe grew back funny, and it’s the nail that is badly bruised right now. The right toenail grew back okay, I just need to keep it trimmed but there’s no extra pain as long as I don’t bruise it. On one edge, the left nail grew back to kind of fold downward a little. I don’t know how to describe it exactly. As it grows, it’s digging into my skin and squeezing the meat of my toe. Even when I keep it trimmed, it still hurts to wear shoes. I think it also makes me more off-balanced than usual as I walk.

For now, it’s a MAJOR pain to trim the bruised nail. :(

Here’s pictures!! I know you wanna see it! Hey, I need to document the pain, lol. I like my toes, but they photograph so ugly weird! The orange is just nail polish I couldn’t get off because of the pain.