Monday, March 29, 2010

Desperately Seeking Protector

I don’t know why but I remember liking the Madonna movie Desperately Seeking Susan. I was very young.

So I mentioned previously that I think my being predominantly a Protector impacts my dating choices. [And not that I’m desperate or that I’m actively seeking a mate either].

I think because I spend so much energy making sure others are safe that I would like to partner with someone who does the same and includes me in that circle of protection [because I like thinking that I am Nightfall but I know I’m not good at protecting myself]. I haven’t/don’t date much, but I think I am attracted to guys who would be able to protect me. Signs of protection really make an impression on me.

I think it also allows the Nurturer in me to come out more and I have liked the times that has happened.
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El primer espécimen: Dimples.

I had my license for about 8 months. I was driving us back from Sherwoods when it started pouring, hard! Visibility was the car 5 feet in front of me, if its lights were on; windshield wipers were not a factor. I hate driving.

I was getting nervous, my knuckles turning white on the wheel.

And then Dimples put his hand on mine in reassurance. I know, I know, awwwwww.

There were other things, like Dimples would make sure I would eat, he would walk just slightly behind me, always give me his jacket, etc.
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El segundo espécimen: Neo.

Neo called me up and asked if I’d stop by his house on my way home from work. I’m thinking he’s going to break up with me or something. I get there and he just wanted to ask if I would keep my swim-shorts on when we meet his friends at the beach the next day. He didn’t want his guy friends to be looking at me in the bikini [and this was years ago when I was in better shape!].

I know, you’re probably thinking that’s a sign of an abuser, but that was the only thing he asked of me in that area. Neo liked that I was attractive but didn’t want guys… lusting after me… I guess? That sounds so weird to me!

Neo always walked me to my car and waited till the engine turned on. He cooked for us, kept me motivated to work out, waited for me outside of public restrooms, etc. Neo loved showing off his muscles and scars and bruises! He loved telling me about how his martial arts class went that day.
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El tercer espécimen: Handsome

Handsome and I were technically not dating but we were good friends for a time. He was the one that wasn’t overtly macho; he was athletic but wasn’t about showing off his muscles and such. He at least looked like he could protect me.

What he did was to quit smoking, cold turkey. In my thinking, this shows that Handsome had a mind to prepare for the future, to become healthier and had a desire to be around for the long run [as much as it was in his control]. It showed a willingness to go through difficulties with an end goal in mind. So, he showed a protection over a future together [again, not that we were dating, but it was attractive about him].

Oh, and another time, we went to a basketball game together. All that night, he opened doors for me, walked close, went to get and paid for my refreshments, waited for me outside of the restroom. They were throwing those clapper things around and Handsome reached out to grab one that was coming my way. He drove me to my car afterwards.
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So I like good protective guys and now I’m thinking that I made these guys sound boring in some way- I think it’s more my writing that is boring! I also like guys that have a sense of humor, have a little wildness [as in fun, not danger] to them.

Like a funny moment with Handsome was that basketball night, he was driving a loaner while his car got fixed; the loaner was the same color and model of my car so when we first walked to “his” car, I took a moment. I’m still not sure if it was coincidence or if he was having a joke on me but I didn’t care.

I don’t know how much of this proves anything about my seeming preference to partner with another Protector, but maybe. What do you think?

Mahalo for reading.