It’s funny how hindsight works. It’s also funny how much one doesn’t realize until something changes.
The recent hindsight instance for me came about through an exercise I did. In order to understand better, the ministry that my friends and I started has been through its bumps and shakes. For the past several months, whenever anyone would ask me how the ministry is going, I haven’t known what to say and so I just ask for their prayer [and I believe prayer is where the real work occurs]. I suppose I can understand why some in the ministry think the ministry is a lost cause.
I believe that they’re wrong about the ministry.
The exercise I did was [as current standing leader] to pretend that I had to write a report on the ministry today. I started listing all the events that took place, how many people came, all the praises to God I could think of for the ministry. I have at least a page worth of stuff! God has opened my eyes to the work He has done through the ministry. Amazing things started coming out of the list, stories of changes and growth I have witnessed among the members, not to mention the changes and growth that I’ve experienced.
I wish others could have seen it. I wish they understood.
The change that happened was that I am taking a break from ministry. It was tough on me to have to tell people that I wasn’t going to be around. They’re going to be fine without me and I wish they could see that. I guess the thing is that we’re interdependent; they have encouraged me as much as I have supported them and built them up with what I could.
Together, we have built/ continue to build a true Christian community. It’s something I’ve been seeking and it was right there. I guess I had a hard time seeing it because of those that I wished would be a part of it but whom had refused it instead.
The realization is probably on both sides. For me, I know that certain persons had my back. I knew that I had built up relationships with people stronger than they were before when we were just friends. When I became leader, we became stronger friends. I think it’s because the Spirit first built me up to be a leader full of good intentions and with a will to action. The fruit [that I’ve been looking for in me and others] is in these strengthened relationships. I am amazed and humbled by this. I don’t understand how that came to be; I can only say PRAISE GOD.
On hearing that I was leaving, one cried, another one chatted me [unusual] and said that I’d better not stay away too long [because one wants me around], yet another whom is taking care of a responsibility for me while I’m away sent me a message to let one know if I need help with anything. People have prayed with and for me about this break. I have received guidance and so I have clear objectives to achieve while I’m on this retreat with God.
All of that was given me [by God] from people I already knew are my friends. I knew this would affect them, but to have them tell me personally means so much. Hearing someone say secondhand that so-and-so misses me or asked about me is not quite the same. These people told me directly that they hope and expect that I will return [as I will be intensely seeking God’s will again and mean to obey Him, I couldn’t promise a return, and I am also hoping that I will return].
On my end, as much as I could, I gave them last [for this time] encouragements and reassurances on their good work and to keep it up. God is in control; everything’s going to be okay.
She humbly says, "Mahalo for reading. God bless you."