Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Untitled [01.26.10]

Seeing that any post is “untitled” must make you want to click out by now. I wouldn’t blame you.

I don’t know where I am today. Today it is too easy for me to remember sadness and hurt. Tomorrow is going to be worse. Anniversaries and remembrances are that way, the ones we’d like to forget. Tomorrow is the actual anniversary of something to be, possibly, mourned, if that is the proper word.

Then to turn on iTunes today and have the attached be the first song played doesn’t help.

Bible study is tonight. I could cry at any moment, but now being a sort of “spiritual leader,” I ought to go anyway. It doesn’t really matter to the others if I am not there I guess. It’s just that I have set it in my heart to be a better leader, and yet even the best leaders cry. And there’s a kind of disconnect with me and the others. I need support right now and I’m not going to get it at BS, which also saddens me.

I’m gonna go have a cry now. Maybe I can dry up by the time anyone arrives at BS.

Oh, and if I happen to post anything tomorrow, you might not want to read that one either. I could use a distraction to get through it but I don't know what to do.
____________________________

My Immortal
Evanescence
Fallen


I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I’ve held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears
And I’ve held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
And though you’re still with me
I’ve been alone all along