I would rather write something more positive. It would not be honest to where I am. I’m confused and hurting so much that it’s blinding me to the good. I’m exhausted from fighting things off.
I’ve been wondering if it matters. How could I give up hope? I don’t like how that sounds. Am I screwing up? I’m being driven to the edge. I don’t know how to not care and I’m upset with myself for wanting to not care.
I want more joy.
I want to disappear.
I don’t hear him anymore. I’m afraid.
I can’t be honest.
It’s so much pain and I don’t understand. I don’t. The sides are closing in on me. I can’t breathe. I can’t serve others like this. Either way I lose. I’m losing now. What’s the point?