Sunday, December 27, 2009

It Was the Year 2009

…when I went through the motions and emotions of the turmoil that change brings and I’m still standing.
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Shifting Gears
The first half of the year had me continue volunteering with the church youth department. In the second half I left the YD and got busy putting together a young adults ministry. *Deep sigh* it has been an up and a down so far. Pray that it will make the upswing soon.

Personally, I sense that I am in another gear in my spiritual journey. 2009 is the year I led my first camp group, completed my first Bible read-through, gave my first sermon, and began a small group. I continue to pray constantly for it has been all by the grace of God. I am learning to demonstrate my trust in God as I step out of my comfort zone and into His work (being obedient to Him). It has been difficult but absolutely worth it!
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Switching Chairs
I started Spring semester with a new chairperson for thesis. It didn’t look good when I started Fall semester scrambling for a new chair again. Blessingly, I signed a new chair. I wasn’t too hopeful about all the change and felt the pressure of the semester being my last chance. I was able to pull it out somehow. Couple Fridays ago, I passed the first defense for research! Now to press on and do whatever I have to do.
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Loving and Breaking
As I continue to deepen my relationship with God, the more I find myself having love for more people, even difficult ones, ones who have little or no love for me, ones with whom I cannot seem to find a way to relate, ones whom I’ve never met before. I HAVE love for many; I need to learn how to respond or act in love, to let His love manifest in how I relate with others. It’s a work in progress; I AM a work in progress!

I realized recently that while I have a mountain of emotions, I do not understand them. I have love but I don’t know what to do with it. I am sad but I don’t know why. I hurt for others, with others, but I don’t know how to show it in a way that they can receive it.

Personally, I chose Love but Love has not chosen me this year. I should make a shirt that says, “I break for Love.” As I analyze the situation and recall past relationships, I was deeper into this one than I thought I was. I think of it as being attached where I have never been attached before. I was DEtached in past relationships and kept a distance of protection.

It’s taking longer than expected to detach. At the moment, I am determined to redirect and be open to something else. I have no other choice for now. It has been extremely painful. I am afraid I might not be speaking of the person you’re thinking of.
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Braving the Elements
It’s been somewhat of an adventurous year. Hmmm…there was the camp at a site I have never been, hanging out at Brians’ for the first time in a long while, baptisms and birthdays and a graduation party, playing more video games than I have in my life ever (mainly Rockband, but also tried Mario Brawl), hiking in new places, karaoke, snorkeling at Shark’s Cove! Friends and I got a free makeup demonstration at Sephora, raced horses at DnBs, mini golf, had a late night date on the beaches of Waikiki, got into a lot of girly things. Watching the Pipeline Masters in person for the first time was amazing! Snail hunting was so fun!

Just a lot of things I haven’t done before or hadn’t done in a long time. I have very deep, dark moments, but if having the pain means I also get to have the good memories also, I’ll take it all! Let’s do more!
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Those are my thoughts for now on the past year. How was your 2009?

Mahalo for reading. I shall see you next year and God bless you.