…when I went through the motions and emotions of the turmoil that change brings and I’m still standing.
The first half of the year had me continue volunteering with the church youth department. In the second half I left the YD and got busy putting together a young adults ministry. *Deep sigh* it has been an up and a down so far. Pray that it will make the upswing soon.
Personally, I sense that I am in another gear in my spiritual journey. 2009 is the year I led my first camp group, completed my first Bible read-through, gave my first sermon, and began a small group. I continue to pray constantly for it has been all by the grace of God. I am learning to demonstrate my trust in God as I step out of my comfort zone and into His work (being obedient to Him). It has been difficult but absolutely worth it!
I started Spring semester with a new chairperson for thesis. It didn’t look good when I started Fall semester scrambling for a new chair again. Blessingly, I signed a new chair. I wasn’t too hopeful about all the change and felt the pressure of the semester being my last chance. I was able to pull it out somehow. Couple Fridays ago, I passed the first defense for research! Now to press on and do whatever I have to do.
Loving and Breaking
As I continue to deepen my relationship with God, the more I find myself having love for more people, even difficult ones, ones who have little or no love for me, ones with whom I cannot seem to find a way to relate, ones whom I’ve never met before. I HAVE love for many; I need to learn how to respond or act in love, to let His love manifest in how I relate with others. It’s a work in progress; I AM a work in progress!
I realized recently that while I have a mountain of emotions, I do not understand them. I have love but I don’t know what to do with it. I am sad but I don’t know why. I hurt for others, with others, but I don’t know how to show it in a way that they can receive it.
Personally, I chose Love but Love has not chosen me this year. I should make a shirt that says, “I break for Love.” As I analyze the situation and recall past relationships, I was deeper into this one than I thought I was. I think of it as being attached where I have never been attached before. I was DEtached in past relationships and kept a distance of protection.
It’s taking longer than expected to detach. At the moment, I am determined to redirect and be open to something else. I have no other choice for now. It has been extremely painful. I am afraid I might not be speaking of the person you’re thinking of.
Braving the Elements
It’s been somewhat of an adventurous year. Hmmm…there was the camp at a site I have never been, hanging out at Brians’ for the first time in a long while, baptisms and birthdays and a graduation party, playing more video games than I have in my life ever (mainly Rockband, but also tried Mario Brawl), hiking in new places, karaoke, snorkeling at Shark’s Cove! Friends and I got a free makeup demonstration at Sephora, raced horses at DnBs, mini golf, had a late night date on the beaches of Waikiki, got into a lot of girly things. Watching the Pipeline Masters in person for the first time was amazing! Snail hunting was so fun!
Just a lot of things I haven’t done before or hadn’t done in a long time. I have very deep, dark moments, but if having the pain means I also get to have the good memories also, I’ll take it all! Let’s do more!
Those are my thoughts for now on the past year. How was your 2009?
Mahalo for reading. I shall see you next year and God bless you.