Sunday, November 1, 2009

Untitled [11.01.09]

Today, I partook of the communion table. There are no adequate words to say how I am in awe of God.

I have sinned. God loves me still; He is here to receive me when I come to Him. Every time. I don’t understand it.

I am weak. I am intentional. I have evil desires.

I confess to Him, and though I cannot express how much I grieve my wrongs against Him, I am so grateful that He knows my heart.

I am afraid. I have been afraid for too many years. I had made tremendous progress in the last few years only by God’s power and love. I stumbled. I was falling and I plunged right in.

And God hasn’t abandoned me. Others have, and others will. I have hurt them. They have hurt me. And God forgives.
For about a year now, I have been trying something out. I open my intimate time with God with the Lord’s Prayer. It has helped remind me of all the things God has given me to do through prayer in order to come to Him. Give thanks for who He is, be mindful of His purity, seek His will and not my own, He desires to have me with Him, but I am a sinner, and a sinner of whom He delights in redeeming.

It sounds like such a simple prayer. I am beginning to see so much in it, with God’s help, with the help of others He has sent for me.
Please excuse me for not making more specific confessions here. I grieve that I have harmed God’s plan. I have made a mess of much. I will rest my hope in His power and will to use this ugliness of mine towards His glory.