I tend to be in the background partly because I like to observe. I don’t enjoy talking a lot because I generally feel like I have no idea what I’m talking about so be quiet, Jenn! Or if I’m talking a lot, it can mean that I’m trying to say something or trying to hide something.
So I like observing. This has saved me more trouble than I can tell. I look at the mistakes that people make so that I work that out in myself, learn from the mistakes of others. I see how people treat each other; I learn from both the beautiful and the ugly moments. I search for cues from people to know more about them than they realize that I know.
I wonder about God’s omniscience and omnipresence. He knows and sees all. Reflecting on this has also saved me from a lot of sins I would have committed; not always, but at times. That’s not what I want to talk about here.
Lately I’ve been observing some ugliness in fellow Christians and it frustrates me, it saddens me. Why is it so easy for us to tear each other down? Why is it so easy for us to see the ugly in the other person and so easy to build up our own ego? On the judgment day, when I am called to give an account, what answer can I give regarding this kind of ugliness, the ugliness towards other Christians?
It still bothers me that Christians can be so loving and giving to strangers and acquaintances, but be so ugly to fellow Christians. That’s part of the… hypocrisy that non-believers detect. If I was on the outside and my curiosity brought me around a certain group of Christians, I would see how they do not love each other and turn and walk away. I have witnessed a non-believer being more loving than a believer. I’m working on being more loving than the non-believer.
I can be guilty of this ugliness. I’m letting God work it out in me. He wants me to advance His kingdom; that includes not tearing down what kingdom has already been established. If I have a part in winning a soul to Jesus, but I also have a part in closing myself off from a fellow Christian, have I advanced the kingdom? I know it’s not a direct one-to-one correlation, but it is a troublesome thought, isn’t it?
If I continue piling up grievances with fellow Christians, the kingdom will suffer. If I cut myself off from this person and that opportunity, I am telling God that I am not on His side. It is the opposite of Samuel and Isaiah and others when they heard the voice of God and said, “Here I am!” [I Sam. 3:4, 8, 10; Is. 6:8].
God is saying to me, “My kingdom is ONE kingdom. The church body is to be ONE body. Do not divide what is mine.”
This is on my mind. Mahalo.