Monday, October 5, 2009

Missed Communication

Superpowers are fascinating. I feel so powerless at times and I know that is a lesson for me to trust God, believe that God is my power. Still, it’s fun to think about being granted the blessing of a superpower.

If you could have a superpower, what would you like it to be?

My answer for the past several years has been the power of fluency. Sometimes I call it the power of communication or the power of languages or the power of understanding. I keep thinking about the idea being lost in translation, thinking about the Tower of Babel, thinking about how difficult it is for me to communicate my thoughts to others. I wonder how many disputes could’ve been kept down rather than escalating to something terrible if only two people had been able to understand each other.

I think I would love to be a peacekeeper, but that is not my superpower and it doesn’t seem to be my spiritual gift either. I’d like to be an ambassador or a translator; there’s responsibility in it that I’d like to use towards keeping the peace. When I’ve taken spiritual gift evaluations, minor gifts have been known to change, but top on my list has consistently been discernment.

I’m in a period of heavy discernment at the moment. I’ve found that I cannot control this gift. God has gifted me discernment, but He is ultimately in control. He gives me the information I need when I am to use it. Lately I feel like my gift is failing me or I’m failing the gift; I tend towards the latter thought. I’ve been second-guessing myself. I’ve been second-guessing what I’m sensing God to be telling me.

Sometimes, a difficult thing with discernment is that I need time to process things. At times, I still need to discern my own emotions and get those out of the way before I can know what it is to do. But it takes time. And it seems others cannot wait. They don’t trust me and so they cannot see that the time I’m taking is vital to how I proceed next. Other factors came into play, but the time I’m taking now will hopefully avoid greater errors in the future. I hope. I HOPE.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. Superpower of language fluency; I want to understand people. Some understand me and others don't. I understand that sometimes it is better not to speak and so I like being the observer. Soon, very soon, I will need to be the speaker.

Mahalo for reading. One of these days I’ll start making sense again, that is, if I ever made sense in the first place.