Saturday, September 26, 2009

Developing Image

I don’t know quite how to describe what has been going on. I suppose we all can get comfortable with people being who we perceive them to be and have a difficult time letting them develop. Maybe we get comfortable with who we are and have a difficult time developing. Do we ever reach a point where we are set in who we are?

I’ve always had this sense that I am in-between, neither/nor, this but also that. I think it started when I changed schools in elementary. It seems like ever since then, I’ve been in a constant mode of making friends, meaning that I’ve never had a rather consistent group of friends around me. I mention this because as I’ve made friends here and there, I couldn’t identify myself by any group. In other words, I didn’t think of myself as popular because I wasn’t in the popular group, I wouldn’t call myself an intellectual because I wasn’t in the group that made all As, etc.

In comparison with my brother, he was definitely the more sensible and obedient one to our parents. I’ve been the rebellious, strong-willed one. Yet I can’t bring up a real rebellious thing I’ve done. I have never been grounded, I didn’t sneak in and out of the house, and I wasn’t out putting graffiti on others’ properties or outrageously partying with other under-aged drunks.
And now, I’m not sure how people see me. Maybe I still don't know how to see myself. I suppose with my current friends I’ve been rather laidback; I’m not sure that’s the right word.

I've been put in a leader position that affects my current friends. I sense that they’re having a difficult time seeing me as a leader. I’m having a difficult time because on one hand, I can lead and I believe God wants me in this position; on the other hand, after more than a year, I still feel like the new kid on the scene.

Who am I to come in there and disrupt an already established group dynamic in which there are leaders in place? It’s set. And I’m asking them to do something different.

And I knew this was going to be rough. It’s one of those things where I couldn’t have known just how hard it would be.

God, why? Is this really what you want for me? Is this the best thing for the group? Please don’t let this turn into something that divides the group.

Mahalo for reading. Pray.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

I love food!

I love telling the story of how Mom was concerned that I might be anorexic because it’s a funny thought. Eating disorders aren’t funny at all but if you looked at me you can tell that I love food! Here’s a list of foods/ meals that I really enjoy, roughly in some kind of preferential order:

1] Guava cake [Liliha or Delite Bakery]
2] Corned beef cabbage
3] Wonton min with vegetables [Waimalu Chop Suey]
4] Corned beef patties
5] Honeyed ginger salmon or miso salmon
6] Ice Blended Pure Chocolate [Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf]
7] Stroganoff
8] Oranges
9] Meat Jun and fried chicken [Soons’]
10] Healthier fried chicken
11] Roasts
12] Edamame
13] Strawberry Blonde [Coldstone]
14] S&S Saimin with vegetables and/or gyoza
15] Garlic Cheese Balls [Da Big Kahuna’s]
16] Spinach and mushroom salad
17] Filet Mignon and bleu [Cattle Company]
18] Graham crackers with chunky peanut butter
19] Acai pomegranate granola [Umeke Market]
20] Grilled swiss cheese sandwich

Guava cake, oh, yum! I have plans for someday to save up money and have a slice of guava cake for every day of one month. I have memories of early birthdays having guava cake and I loved it. It made me look forward to my birthday every year. I thought it was just special because I’d go to others’ birthday parties and they’d have the usual chocolate or vanilla cakes but my cakes were guava!

I love eating corned beef cabbage mainly for the cabbage. I even like eating the thick rib parts that tend to be on the bitter side, but I think it’s perfect when steamed with the rest of the cabbage. I’d probably eat just steamed cabbage alone but I do enjoy a little meat and corned beef is the right flavor with the cabbage.

I wrote a review of Waimalu Chop Suey; wonton min is what I order the most from there. I like the hot mustard shoyu mix that they give with it; I pour lots of the mix on top of everything in the min.

Corned beef patties, I love it. Salmon, I love it. I got salmon recipes from magazines and Mrs. Matsuda. I go to Coffee Bean A LOT and plan to write a review later so I’ll move on. Stroganoff, my family uses hamburger for it. Whenever I cook for friends, I would cook hamburger stroganoff and they’ve loved it. Years after I cooked for him, Oreo remembered that it was stroganoff. Oranges, I love citrus things; I not only love eating oranges, but I also tend towards citrus-scented items like soaps/washes, etc. I love eating oranges on hot days; it’s so refreshing!

I grew up in Salt Lake; even after we moved, I still attended schools in Salt Lake. I still get meat jun and fried chicken from Soons’ at least once every other month, sometimes more. To me, their food isn’t as oily as from other places and I like the…texture of their meat jun.

Healthier fried chicken is from a recipe from a magazine that I actually tested out. I changed up the recipe just slightly to use what I already had rather than what was specified, but it’s still a healthier recipe than other regular ones.

Roast beef with vegetables-good! I mostly eat the vegetables; Mom puts in carrots, onions and potatoes. I eat a lot of edamame; our freezer is always stocked with packages of edamame [fresh edamame has been rather pricey lately]. If I’m too lazy to cook something or I’m not sure how hungry I am, I’ll boil a bag of edamame.

Coldstone’s Strawberry Blonde is my favorite there [sometimes I’ll get just the sorbet]. I like strawberries, I like caramel, I like graham cracker crumbs…and the SB’s got it all! The next one, S&S Saimin, especially with the gyoza and vegetables, is like making my own wonton min. S&S uses the best soup flavor mix in my opinion, but I only use a quarter of the mix that they provide with the saimin. They also have one of the best noodles too.

My friend Cat intro’d me to the garlic cheese balls from Big Kahuna’s. Their bread is soft, the cheese mix is delicious, and I think they use fresh garlic (by my taste buds). Spinach mushroom salad is something I got from watching some sort of fitness show; I can’t remember what show it was. It’s a simple enough recipe that I remembered later and tried it.

I think I could make the filet mignon and bleu myself, I just gotta try one of these days. I’ve only had it once at Stuart Anderson’s but it was ono! Graham crackers and chunky pb is something I used to eat when I was on my own in Oregon. It’s quick and easy yet filling. #19, I love this granola mix from Umeke, but I don’t think they have it all the time. The granola does stop me from eating other unhealthier choices between meals. I make grilled cheese sandwiches using Swiss; it takes longer to melt but I prefer the taste of the Swiss to American, something I picked up from WU.

And now, I’m thinking how could I forget AHI POKE?! Yum yum yum! Especially limu poke, wasabi poke is good also. Oh, and sushi and stuff, I love hamachi, spicy ahi, dragon roll, I love tempura stuff…. Oh, and I ate at Olive Tree CafĂ©, here’s a review of the shaorma. As I said, I love food!
What are your favorite foods? Let me know if you try anything I mentioned! [I planned for a few photos in this entry but blogger's not uploading well. Maybe later.]

Mahalo for reading and eat well!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Fair Transfer Fare?

I’ve been riding the bus quite a bit in the last few years. I usually have a bus pass but when I don’t I pay the fare and pick up a transfer, even if it seems I won’t need one. Most drivers are lax about the transfer; they either give extra time on the transfer or don’t pay much attention when people drop the transfer in.

The other day, I paid the fare into town. I usually pay attention to the expiration time on the transfer, but not that day. When I tried to use it, the driver called me back. The transfer had expired.

That’s when the driver starts to scold me. “Did you ride this bus before? When? How many times?” and other stuff, like I’m an idiot. He was not at all nice about this occurrence.

I thought about getting off the bus, going to buy a bus pass and come back to another bus, but I decided to dig out 2 bucks. I put the dollars in and start digging in my bag for a quarter (fare is $2.25) when the driver says, “That’s good.” He wasn’t nice about this either; he wasn’t letting me off on the quarter to be nice. He gives me a second transfer, shows me that this one expires at 7 pm. I go and find a seat.
Yes, I should be more careful about the rules of the transfer. I need to be, I want to be, a person of integrity. As I said, I usually pay attention to the transfer time.

But I’m confused. I caught the first bus at 9:30, the first transfer expired at 11:45. A transfer is to be good for 2 hours, so that was correct. The first bus driver was good about the transfer rule.

The second bus was at 2. The second transfer expired at 7, 5 hours later. That is 3 hours more than the time for which the transfer is supposed to be good.

And I repeat that the fare is $2.25 but the driver, the indignant one, let me off about the quarter.

I don’t know how to feel about this. The first bus driver was fair about the transfer. I should have been fair about using the transfer. It’s refreshing that the second driver called me out on trying (not purposely trying to cheat, just careless in thought) to use the transfer unfairly… but that soured when he was unfair in the transfer that he gave me and for being lax about 25 cents.
So. I’m either gonna get a bus pass or be more diligent about being mindful of the transfer time. I guess that’s all I can do. Or drive myself.

Mahalo for reading.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

It's Gonna Be Worth It...Right?!

Last night we had a ministry meeting with our current young adult friends. *deep breath, sigh.* I am discouraged, I am encouraged, and I am so very grateful.

I knew it was coming but it materialized fully at the meeting. I’m gonna need to lead actual people. I don’t know if I can do this but if God’s called me to it, I’m trusting he’ll provide. Oh how the difficulties pile up!

The group we’re starting with is made up of several strong personalities; I’m one of them! I’m discouraged by the lack of enthusiasm or undiscernable support of a few. Some actions have been disrespectful from my point of view. Maybe I just care too much. The three of us are showing that we care and care enough to do something. I’m not looking to be praised for it but I really don’t want to be beat down for it either.

I guess I just gotta toughen up, I don’t know. I think I’m plenty tough as it is. I’m alright about someone saying I’m a joke or whatever, just say it to my face.
So instead, I’m trying to focus on the encouragement that my other friends have been giving.

They’re so sweet, my women. They’re so dear to me. How can I let them down? No, I’ve got to keep going for them. I wanna do a good job because of them.

Even some of the guys, I can sense their support even when they’re being funny about it. I mean, Extra Large is one of the youngest guys and his personality, he’s not gonna say, “Yes, Jenn, whatever you say.” He said things in a humorous way but I can tell we have his support.

And I know Sir well enough to know that if he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t have asked the questions he did or give the good insight he often has. He could have just come to hang out with the guys but no, he was fully involved in the meeting. I’m serious about this ministry and he didn’t make a joke of it.
That was just a few examples of the support of our friends. They’re so wonderful, they’re a big part of why I wanted to do this ministry in the first place. I am so grateful for them, thank you GOD! :)

Please continue praying for us. Please pray that this be a good training/ learning experience for me as a leader, especially in learning to be a good leader to those for whom I’m reluctant to care more. God’s calling me to lead young adults, not to lead my young adult friends.

Mahalo for reading.