Monday, November 17, 2008

Do More

Seriously could not think of a title for this. And I’m not gonna bother much with writing this well.

So…I was thinking about how God commands Christians in the Bible to love people as He loves us.

This entire year for me has been about drawing closer to God, hopefully becoming more Christ-like and reaching a place where it’s easier to hear God’s voice. Well, not just for this year but setting up a new pattern to build upon for the rest of my life. Not that I wasn’t doing that before but this year, with all its highs and lows, has been at least spiritually building.

I’m trying to work out how to love people better.
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Some people are easy to love. It is so EASY for me to love Apple. Friends for at least a decade, really close friends the last few years; good times, bad times, and just times; birthday presents and non-occasion gifts. And she’s such a people-person which means that I don’t have to be one!

It gets a little tougher when it’s someone who’s hurt me in the past and yet I don’t cut ties as easily as some believe I do. I mentioned a former friend Hatchet for whom I would still care if H would let me. It would be like riding a bike for me to love H.

Tougher still: during my CA-practicum, there was this co-worker who would just…jar me. I mean, a nice guy but Smally [nn] would say some pretty insensitive things. I rode a bike then; Smally insisted on giving me a ride after work. That night I learned what it was like to fear for my life. Seriously the scariest driver I have ever been in the car with and that is saying a lot! He then kidnapped me to dinner during which I bit my tongue more than ate because the insensitive conversation began and I was thinking I wanted to get home as soon as possible. After that night it was sort of…I could work with Smally, but need to block out 75% of what comes out of his mouth.

And I think now, was that enough to love him as Jesus?
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Then God calls me to love my enemies. Web [nn] whom I caught using a stick to play with the back hem of my friend’s skirt. Plastic [nn] who would be a fake nice with a nasty undertone to me in public but would use a lot of swear words about me behind my back and try to convince my friends I was sleeping around.

Brick with whom I had a studio project: I handled all the structural since I was the only one in the group who had taken structures. When the prof. would critique the structure, Brick was quick to put all the responsibility on me when he didn’t care to learn anything about structure. Brick spent a lot of time on the phone with his gf or on his comp playing games, then tell people I wasn’t doing any work when he knew I worked at home. Why bother coming in to studio if Brick literally refused to work with me?

Really, God? I was supposed to LOVE those people? What was I supposed to do that I didn’t?

And I hear God saying, “More. You do more.”
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I thank God that I do not have a heavily vengeful spirit. Other than putting Web in his place for the skirt thing, I remained polite and didn’t answer back to false accusations. Especially in the case of Plastic, friends urged me to do something about it. They couldn’t understand how I could ignore the things Plastic did and still be nice to Plastic.

And sometimes, I couldn’t understand it either. There have been times when I’ve wanted to fire back at opponents, and a few times when I did, but mostly I have not because God has held me. He wants me to not return hate. He wants me to love.

It doesn’t end in the past, in thinking over moments when I could’ve done more or better in showing others God’s love. I’ll move into a current situation in another entry.

Mahalo for reading!