Last Saturday, the KUC YD had its first of hopefully many L.E.D. [Live Express Desire] Worship Nights. A couple of the girls that I haven’t had time to spend with in quite awhile came, Anna, her sister Gerriann, and Ata.
I saw Anna at church the next day. She came right up to me, gave me a hug and a cookie! :D
So getting back to loving people better.
Man, it’s difficult coming up with an alias for someone I don’t know well!
So there’s this sweet guy at church, Pause. He’s more socially awkward than I am, somehow I blend in more. When we were in…hs maybe, I would purposely avoid Pause. I have a difficult time talking to people and so it can be like torture for me to try to talk to someone who has a tougher time than me.
Now that I am definitely older but arguably wiser, and after years of prayer, I find myself having an easier time with Pause, and unconsciously even. It got a little hairy when Pause asked me to a company party earlier this year, but I’m handling those kinds of situations better these days.
Then God ups the ante. With Pal.
Earlier this year in service, I look over and see this older guy looking at me. I give an acknowledging little smile as I do to people. After the service, I got trapped by congregating people, the pew and Pal. Another socially awkward person, this time much older, leaning towards me so that it feels like he’s looking…below my neck, inches from my face, with a breath that makes me more conscious of my own when I’m talking to other people.
Pal asked if he knew me. I have no recollection of Pal before that night at all. He says I must’ve been like a teenager or something. I am easily uncomfortable if someone’s watching me, more so if someone’s been watching me way before I knew it. Creepy when it’s someone who’s got to be more than a decade older than me.
Is it ever polite to walk away from a conversation? Several times I thought Pal was finished talking, but then he’d continue and I was still pinned in at the pew.
Then came communion Sunday. I see Pal looking like he was purposely finding a seat across the aisle from us. Going up to the table in two lines, Pal reaches the table with Alchemist. Either by nature or scheming, Pal takes a rather long time so that I end up at the table with him and we leave the table at the same time. Another time Pal gives me an odd look as he finds his seat; I dunno if that was ‘cuz I had Kaya with me or not.
At a church event, I was in my white dress for choir who was last. I was up late the night before so I hadn’t bothered with my hair. I’m scurrying around, barefoot, kneeling on the ground to take pics for the event. Pal stops me to say that I looked “elegant in [my] white gown.”
I really hafta stop noticing these things.
And I sense God saying, “Love my people.
You know what it is like to be the outsider. You understand the difficulties some have in making friends. I sent others to show you patience and kindness. Now I am sending you.
You love my people.”
I don’t know yet what I shall do about Pal. Sometimes I think, I’m a young woman, this should be the responsibility of a man. But that doesn’t excuse the absence of a kind word, dismissing with the “how was your week?” and caring about listening to the answer.
No matter how close someone stands to me.
God is still working on me, still teaching me lessons, still challenging me.
Oh, and I started this entry with Anna because I am so blessed to be able to spend time with the KUC kids. I dunno the last time I was hugged so much! Sometimes I just wanna hug someone.
And I got a cookie too! Score!
Who are the Pals in your life?
Mahalo for reading!
*By God’s people, I mean ALL people, not just Christians. Every single person is someone whom God loves.