Saturday, October 4, 2008

10 Days Later…

…and I am still in Bittersweet Heartbreak Mode.

Two Thursdays ago, my greatest friend moved away.

This is a good time and a good opportunity for her. I encourage everyone to try living on their own for a time. I am so VERY Proud of my sister. This is the “Sweet” part.

The “Bitter” part is that I am here. I am more of a one-on-one face time relational person. It is going to be very tough to not be able to call Sister up and drive over when I need a release. We have FB and AIM and e-mail and post mail, but those things can never make up for distance for me. Most of the friends that I would hang out with are away, but having Sister away is by far the toughest to deal with.

I knew Sister would be leaving and I tried to prepare myself for the move. I consider myself to be a rather independent person, but everyone’s gotta have their partner.

And I am waiting for my other closest friend to return from a missions trip. Until then, I am practically unsupervised.

So much is going on that I have a processing backlog.

Starting Over
I am/have been in the process of building new friendships. My main opportunity for doing so right now is through church. Most of the people from my age group have left the church for various reasons, so the next age group that I can relate to most is made up of mostly guys. Fine by me ‘cuz generally I’m more comfortable with guys but it does have the potential of becoming complicated.

It’s been good. I’ve made one new friend with whom I’m comfortable talking, and as talking is not an easy thing for me, I tend to latch on to people I’m comfortable with. He cares about people and has made time for me. I very much appreciate all he has done/is doing for me. At the same time, I don’t want to be taking up too much of his time. And some of the things I’m dealing with are “Girl talk” topics, and I AM NOT going to turn him into a “girlfriend.” I like guys being guys.

I am getting reacquainted with another friend I’ll call “Big Heart” whom also cares a lot for people and is just too funny for explanation. Then there’s the Alchemist whom is a cool female; I think we’ll get along well. I’m still easing into getting to know the rest of the group.

To Be [Single] or Not To Be
That is the question. Obviously it is not a question I can answer by myself.

This is one of the subjects that I would like to talk out with Sister. She’s been trying to help me with it from across the pond, but it’s been a rather day-to-day situation that is frustrating me. The deal is that on the side of everything that’s been happening, someone’s caught my attention. I shall refer to him as “Reid.”

I think of myself as a serial soloist, meaning that I’ve been mostly single and generally prefer to be so. All totaled, I’ve been unsingle for about 4 or 5 months, depending on who’s asked and when that person started the clock. For instance, I’d say 4 but Former would probably say 5 because unlike the stereotype, I have no idea what day we started being unsingle together and he does. That might have to do with why we are no longer unsingle together.

Anyways, the point is that it’s not easy to catch my attention and then to keep it. Reid has done so and I thought I had his attention. I’m not so sure I have it anymore. I know I shall be okay with singleness but this saddens me some. Perhaps I am in double BHM.

I know I can seem very detached and cool with people, but once I care about someone I am fully committed to caring. Even in the previously written about situation with Hatchet, I still love Hatchet deep down. If Hatchet ever calls me for something, I cannot not answer the call.

All of that to say that I am still...I'm stubborn enough to want to try with Reid because I care that much, but I don't know where I stand with him.

So…I am single TODAY.

Sister, I miss you but understand why you left. I will try to be more courageous. To my new friends and reacquainting friends, mahalo for all the time you’ve spent on me and for all the prayers.

Mahalo for reading.

“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens. Selah.
_Psalm 68:19

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”
_Philippians 1:3


  1. wow, i knew some, but not all. I will keep you in prayer.
    -mono inteligente

  2. honey, i'm sorry i'm so backlogged with reading your blog...i miss you too and your support means everything to me. you are never far from my thoughts. your prayers are mine also. xoJ


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