Friday, October 24, 2008

He Woke Me Up This Morning

A few weeks ago, in the early stages of this DBHM, I was walking through the KawaiaHa‘o Church grounds. An older man was passing in the other direction. He had already passed me when he turned around and called out, “Are you a Christian?”

“Yes.”

He came back towards me, asking if that was my church [it isn’t]. He asked if I would pray for him right there. I accepted his hand, we bowed our heads and I prayed for him.

Then began a long mostly one-sided conversation.

He said to call him “Brother George” though I think what I heard was that his full name is Troy George. I didn’t say much, not that I had much chance to say anything, because I was concentrating on understanding what he was saying. Brother George’s speech was a little slurred though I don’t think he was drunk. It was more like he had a swollen tongue or something.

Brother George is homeless though he’s hoping to be in a place by November or December. He’s been on and off the street a few times. Used to be in drugs and drinking, even gotten beat up badly by a dealer’s thugs.

And then he became a Christian. Brother George got the message from God to get right and stop the foolishness. That was two years ago, though Brother George doesn’t know what the exact date was or what today is, but in October. He now attends Pacific Revival Church on Dillingham. He says he cries like a baby every week there because of what God is doing for him. KawaiaHa‘o Church lets people store things there for a very low price, that’s why Brother George was over there.
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Somewhere in the middle of all that, Brother George asked for testimony about what God has done for me. I wasn’t quick to answer so Brother George helped me out a little. “You woke up this morning. God feed you, God clothe you….”

Yes Brother George, God sure did!

We were there for maybe about 15-20 minutes until he finally moved on. Even if I had been on my way to a scheduled meeting or something, I believe I would have stayed to listen to Brother George anyway. I did say a quick prayer for God’s protection because I’m nervous about talking to strangers when I am on my own, but I think God was saying something through Brother George.

Maybe I’m still digesting and having it sink in.

Anyways, I don’t want Brother George to be someone that I forget, someone who just stopped me on the street and then I went on with my life. I want to remember what he told me.

I would like to do something for Brother George but am not sure what to do. If anyone has any suggestions or would like to help me bless Brother George, PLEASE! Let me know. I do have a phone number for him. A friend did advise having someone from church invite Brother George to Joy Fellowship; I haven’t passed on the information yet because I haven’t been by my regular church much lately.
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What has God done for me today: He’s woken me up from sleep. He’s given me another day. He’s given me good family and friends. When life seems unbearable, when my heart feels like it’s literally breaking, when I need help seeing past my hurts, I want to remember that I am ALIVE. God is GOOD.

God used a homeless man to minister to me, one who has more than enough.

What am I doing for God? Work in progress…

Mahalo for reading and let's all remind each other of what God is doing for us.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

A Small Taste of the Other Side

So…it’s been a weird time for me. Lots of things going on in my inner life I suppose. I’m not even sure how to write this particular entry so please bear with me.

One thing that has been going on is the sudden absence of a new friend. I’m not sure how to process the situation for several reasons but I will share as much as I am able to here, or try to in the least. It’s hit me partly because it comes when I need time to myself as well and so he is on my mind. For different reasons, for different purposes I am taking a break, because obviously we are two different people.

Or I should start by sort of identifying this friend?

I mentioned previously about being in a period of making new friends. One group in particular seems to have taken me in. I would say perhaps their main or most constant vehicle of bonding is a weekly bible study. I have joined them only a few times so far.

The one missing I shall refer to as Pirate. Anyone in the group whom might read this is gonna know who I’m talking about anyway and no, he’s not a real pirate. As far as I know.
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So, Pirate has missed the last two BS meetings. The first one, I suppose wasn’t too much of an alarm to the group though Pirate rarely misses one I gather.

I cannot speak for Pirate on why he is absent.

And Pirate did notify the group that he was taking a [temporary] leave of absence. The notice came some time between the first and second missed meetings. Last week, the second missed meeting but the first after the notice, the expressions of missing Pirate were more serious. One member’s prayer request was a solemn request that Pirate answer his phone.
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Here’s where it gets more personal.

I have been known to go on a “retreat” from time to time, as Pirate seems to be doing now. Different reasons, different purposes. Most people don’t realize I’ve retreated because…for whatever reason. They just know that they haven’t seen me for some time and then I reappear. My retreats have been of varying degrees and lengths.

For one time in particular, something suddenly triggered a serious retreat and I started for home. I realized I was supposed to meet Apple that day so I called her to say I wasn’t going to be there. She picked up the unwell tone in my voice, but I couldn’t tell her what was going on and just hung up.

I knew she would worry. I knew she loved me. I was unable to reach out. Not for months.

When I came back, Apple was angry. Justifiably so.

But Apple has been blessed with the gift of patience, forgiveness, with a great compassion that I admire. With time and a lot of work, we came together again. We are very close friends today. I am blessed with her friendship.
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To pick up the concern on the faces of this group, to hear how they miss Pirate so, I feel it deeply. I am perhaps getting a glimpse of what Apple went through when I went missing.

What I’m saying to Apple is I am sorry. It is never my intent to hurt you though I know I have at times. I appreciate you and I love you.
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What I would say to Pirate is that I think I can understand, to some extent. I hope you will find your way back soon. Your friends miss you greatly.

And I miss you.

Mahalo for reading.



[I wrote this on the 13th, last Monday, so some things might have happened since but I thought I’d post it anyway.]

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Spending Splurge Sunday

I am not much of a shopper at all. I do not frequent malls nor do I enjoy crowds, long lines, etc. On top of that, I am more of a saver than a spender, but every so often, I am just in the mood.



This past Sunday, I gradually got in the mood. It started by purchasing a necklace from a lady at church whom had just returned from a mission in Africa. It is an amber cross necklace made by women working to rise above poverty. Amber was used to purchase slaves so as Janet explained, it is a kind of redemption that the women are now using the amber to help themselves break that system, to purchase their freedom. Janet says that the crosses are Ethiopian Coptic crosses. PLEASE read the messages in the following photos for more information.



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After church, I caught whatever bus came next which happened to be going to Pearlridge. I strolled through the mall, waiting for Mom to pick me up after lunch. I was looking for something but didn’t find it in the store I thought would have it. I went to Hot Topic; I hadn’t been inside the store in years maybe. One of their shirts stood out to me. It read: TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS. Again, read the message in the photo for more info, at least check it out. [I would also say to look on the inside]. HT has the shirt in white, pink, black and green. I picked up a pink one. I like the concept. I like the cause.



Another nice purchase that day was a $7.50 pair of sunglasses for $3. And…they look good on me. I think. They are red.

So I have this weird thing that I apparently like buying sunglasses but tend to forget to wear them. I control the situation at the moment by buying cheap pairs. Okay, that’s also because I believe I have a tendency to break things. I had about 10 pairs at one time but seeing as how I hadn’t worn any in…years, I donated most of them to somewhere. Sad, I know.
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So it was a “splurge” in the definition filter lens of Jennifer. The total [including lunch] was under $75. The most expensive item: the amber necklace.

Somehow, shopping actually made me feel better that day. That almost never happens to me.

Mahalo for reading!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

And The Fantasy Continues

Facebook Football, that is.

Week 1: win 87-84
Week 2: loss 95-122
Week 3: loss 89-93
Week 4: win 117-116
Week 5: win 108-57
Week 6: win 95-77

The teams: HHR [me], HOT [James], FG [Clay], OT, JJC, KCR

I already talked about week 1 in a previous entry. That was against James and I was on top of the league. Week 3 sucked; I lost to a girl in the Philippines who doesn’t follow football and had no starting QB in her line up. Week 4 was against Clay, squeaked by. Week 5 doesn’t count ‘cuz it’s another person not paying attention at all to the league. I’m 3rd in the league by now in terms of W-L, but overall point-wise, I’ve got about a 2o point lead over the next person, Clay.

Week 6. It’s a weird thing to have only 6 teams in a league, but thank you to Clay for putting it together. I was up against James again. This always makes me nervous ‘cuz James has a talent for being good at anything he does and he’s a huge numbers guy [ i.e. can understand/remember stats and percentages better and faster than I can]. All his guys played on Sunday; I’m leading by 12. I’ve got Eli Manning playing on Monday= bonus points.

I have the option of playing either Manning brother. Eli vs. the Browns Defense was supposed to be the easier match up than Colts Offense vs. Ravens Defense. I played Eli obviously. Peyton made 22 fantasy points.

I watched the Giants game from the 2nd quarter, when Eli didn’t make any points until just before the half I think. One passing TD, THREE interceptions and stuff later, the game is over. Eli= SIX points. I was actually concerned that Eli would get in the negative and cost me the match up.

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So currently I am 2nd overall in the league but I can feel the pressure. OT is on top because he’s got one more win than me. With the 121 points he made in week 6, OT is a mere 3 points behind me. I am up against him this week. I need to win this game and make more points than him in order to be on top.

If I should lose, the next closest competitor is…James. And he is not very far behind.
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Still, I am not doing too bad on the Fantasy FB front. I've pretty much played the right line ups. It has been a small but good distraction from the things of life, especially at this time. I remain in double BHM at the moment but hope to be in single BHM soon.

Mahalo for reading!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

10 Days Later…


…and I am still in Bittersweet Heartbreak Mode.

Two Thursdays ago, my greatest friend moved away.

This is a good time and a good opportunity for her. I encourage everyone to try living on their own for a time. I am so VERY Proud of my sister. This is the “Sweet” part.

The “Bitter” part is that I am here. I am more of a one-on-one face time relational person. It is going to be very tough to not be able to call Sister up and drive over when I need a release. We have FB and AIM and e-mail and post mail, but those things can never make up for distance for me. Most of the friends that I would hang out with are away, but having Sister away is by far the toughest to deal with.

I knew Sister would be leaving and I tried to prepare myself for the move. I consider myself to be a rather independent person, but everyone’s gotta have their partner.

And I am waiting for my other closest friend to return from a missions trip. Until then, I am practically unsupervised.

So much is going on that I have a processing backlog.
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Starting Over
I am/have been in the process of building new friendships. My main opportunity for doing so right now is through church. Most of the people from my age group have left the church for various reasons, so the next age group that I can relate to most is made up of mostly guys. Fine by me ‘cuz generally I’m more comfortable with guys but it does have the potential of becoming complicated.

It’s been good. I’ve made one new friend with whom I’m comfortable talking, and as talking is not an easy thing for me, I tend to latch on to people I’m comfortable with. He cares about people and has made time for me. I very much appreciate all he has done/is doing for me. At the same time, I don’t want to be taking up too much of his time. And some of the things I’m dealing with are “Girl talk” topics, and I AM NOT going to turn him into a “girlfriend.” I like guys being guys.

I am getting reacquainted with another friend I’ll call “Big Heart” whom also cares a lot for people and is just too funny for explanation. Then there’s the Alchemist whom is a cool female; I think we’ll get along well. I’m still easing into getting to know the rest of the group.
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To Be [Single] or Not To Be
That is the question. Obviously it is not a question I can answer by myself.

This is one of the subjects that I would like to talk out with Sister. She’s been trying to help me with it from across the pond, but it’s been a rather day-to-day situation that is frustrating me. The deal is that on the side of everything that’s been happening, someone’s caught my attention. I shall refer to him as “Reid.”

I think of myself as a serial soloist, meaning that I’ve been mostly single and generally prefer to be so. All totaled, I’ve been unsingle for about 4 or 5 months, depending on who’s asked and when that person started the clock. For instance, I’d say 4 but Former would probably say 5 because unlike the stereotype, I have no idea what day we started being unsingle together and he does. That might have to do with why we are no longer unsingle together.

Anyways, the point is that it’s not easy to catch my attention and then to keep it. Reid has done so and I thought I had his attention. I’m not so sure I have it anymore. I know I shall be okay with singleness but this saddens me some. Perhaps I am in double BHM.

I know I can seem very detached and cool with people, but once I care about someone I am fully committed to caring. Even in the previously written about situation with Hatchet, I still love Hatchet deep down. If Hatchet ever calls me for something, I cannot not answer the call.

All of that to say that I am still...I'm stubborn enough to want to try with Reid because I care that much, but I don't know where I stand with him.

So…I am single TODAY.
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Sister, I miss you but understand why you left. I will try to be more courageous. To my new friends and reacquainting friends, mahalo for all the time you’ve spent on me and for all the prayers.

Mahalo for reading.


“Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens. Selah.
_Psalm 68:19

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”
_Philippians 1:3