Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Looking for the Trump Card

What would it take to stay with a particular church?

I had an entry ready and waiting a long time to be posted about why I’m with KUC. I had a list of reasons. I can’t in good conscience post it.

Few of you know I had taken a leave of absence from any church for a few years. I would pop my head in the doorway here and there but I didn’t stay. I can’t get into that here.

It was God who brought me back this past December. This time was vastly different from any other time I tried going to church on my own. I looked forward to Sundays. I woke up on Sunday excited about going to church. I’m not quite sure what a holy Sabbath would be in these days, but as much as possible I set Sundays aside for worshipping God and doing His work without the distractions that seem so necessary on any other day of the week. [Don’t get my view of Sunday as it being the ONLY day I worship and do His work].
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The trump card on that list of reasons for KUC was that God wanted me at KUC. If you’d have asked me up to a couple days ago why I remain with KUC, I would’ve said without hesitation that it’s because God wants me there. I didn’t feel it; I knew it to be so. In fact I said exactly that when I saw an old friend on Friday.

I’m writing this on Sunday and I’m not so sure anymore. It pains me so much to say this because I love KUC. It’s not a perfect church; there’s no such thing. As Uncle Mike likes to say, “If there was a perfect church, I’d ruin it!” KUC is where my heart is. This isn't at all about wanting to leave KUC; I don't.
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I woke up this morning excited to be on my way to church. It’s the late afternoon, I’m at home writing this, and I am so…I can’t find the word for it at the moment.

I suppose I could feel excited about going to any church on any day.

I’m not so attached to KUC that I will stay there at any cost just to be stubborn. I could; stubborness is what kept me there even after all my friends had moved on. At the moment, KUC doesn’t provide enough on its own for what I need to continue growing as a Christian, but I’ve been resourceful and have been able to supplement what I’m not getting. I’m not concerned with finding the church that has all the programs and such that I want. I’m not looking for the church where I can make the most friends.

I would love to have the attitude of one of the elders. He said that as long as the church [KUC] wasn’t blasphemous or straying from biblical truths, he and his family would stay with the church. Any other problem can be worked on and dealt with. [I wish I could recall exactly how he said it ‘cuz it was so much better than this]. I had said something along those lines before hearing that and it is the mindset that I held for a long time.

But none of that trumps God’s plan. I don’t care about the programs. I don’t care how well the pastor tells a good story. I don’t care what others might say. If God says to stay with KUC, I will. I had never heard anything from God that clearly before.

But if He should say that I should leave...well.
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I don’t know if it’s God’s plan for me to be with KUC anymore. I don’t know that I’ve completed what He wanted me to do there, but I….

I knew this wouldn’t be easy, but I never realize how hard things will get.

Please pray for me, that I be given direction again. Obviously I have a lot of thinking, and listening, to do.

Thank you.